[ More than what Eustace is saying, it's the crackle of fire in his voice that gets Gen to look up from that spot on the table. It's not much, but it's still something -- and even that brief flicker of hot emotion speaks volumes coming from someone as calm as Eustace. It's enough to earn a surprised blink, a pause, a soft exhale before Gen mumbles, ]
... you say that like it's easy.
[ It's still hard to meet Eustace's gaze for more than a moment. It feels like he hasn't been able to focus on anything for days now anyway, his thoughts slipping between his fingers like so much sand, and Gen looks aside as he absently rubs the pad of his thumb against the curve of the mug's handle. ]
It's not like ... [ Not like what? His brow furrows. ] It's just. [ Just what? ] I've -- ... always done what I need to do.
[ It's the same thing he'd said before, Eustace might remember, when they were speaking in his room about Gen's resolve to kill Kim Dokja. That silent but fervent conversation that had taken place over Communion, each word infused with the defensive, desperate bristling of a wounded animal. And though his words now are quiet, lacking in his usual aggression, the sentiment remains the same. Gen's spent so long chained in place, it's hard imagining himself with the freedom to choose even after being freed of those shackles.
Still. He knows Eustace isn't the type to waste his breath on empty sentiments -- these aren't words he can just brush off. And after a moment of uncomfortable silence, he asks quietly, ]
What about you? [ 'Are you here by choice?' It's what he wants to ask, but doesn't dare say out loud. ] ... how d'you know you're making the right choice?
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... you say that like it's easy.
[ It's still hard to meet Eustace's gaze for more than a moment. It feels like he hasn't been able to focus on anything for days now anyway, his thoughts slipping between his fingers like so much sand, and Gen looks aside as he absently rubs the pad of his thumb against the curve of the mug's handle. ]
It's not like ... [ Not like what? His brow furrows. ] It's just. [ Just what? ] I've -- ... always done what I need to do.
[ It's the same thing he'd said before, Eustace might remember, when they were speaking in his room about Gen's resolve to kill Kim Dokja. That silent but fervent conversation that had taken place over Communion, each word infused with the defensive, desperate bristling of a wounded animal. And though his words now are quiet, lacking in his usual aggression, the sentiment remains the same. Gen's spent so long chained in place, it's hard imagining himself with the freedom to choose even after being freed of those shackles.
Still. He knows Eustace isn't the type to waste his breath on empty sentiments -- these aren't words he can just brush off. And after a moment of uncomfortable silence, he asks quietly, ]
What about you? [ 'Are you here by choice?' It's what he wants to ask, but doesn't dare say out loud. ] ... how d'you know you're making the right choice?