last man standing. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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aionlogs2022-06-02 03:57 am
baltimores) wrote in aionlogs2022-06-02 03:57 am
[open] you know what your problem is?
WHO: Amos, any Kenoma
WHAT: Amos rewards himself for being cured of Innocence by going on a depression bender.
WHERE: Throughout Achamoth
WHEN: Towards the end of/after the event
WARNINGS: Depression, self-loathing, a little suicidal ideation, lots of drinking, references to brothels, discussion of domestic violence/sexual assault/prostitution/child prostitution; will update as necessary
[ So, this sucks.
Getting out of Venera as soon as possible had been the only thing on Amos' mind once Misa had forced him out of Innocence's grip. That thing had exploited his vulnerabilities, manipulated him, turned him into a puppet to spread its nonsensical, fucked upsomewhat understandable agenda, and he needed to leave immediately, before he fell victim to it again.
His legacy's shrine is one of the closest to Achamoth. Easy.
He had to swim across a lake and spend days walking across farmland in waterlogged boots before he actually made it back to the city. Less easy.
Though for all of the personal discomfort and frustration that brought with it, it was readily ignored by spending that time mentally reviewing everything he did while he was fucked in the head, now that he could with proper context. All of the harm he'd caused, all of the ways he'd refused to listen to reason, being reminded of the fact that all he's really good for is ruining other people's lives. Turns out that sucks.
Then there's the fact that ever since an initial mishap during one of his first days in Achamoth, he's been careful to not go out into the city with his shard exposed — but since anything he'd used to cover it up had ended up getting destroyed in Venera, he has no choice but to subject himself to. This. When he's the last person who should be revered or admired in any way, and now he has no way to avoid it.
The first stop on Amos' list is somewhere that can get him clothed again, courtesy of I don't have any money but I am an Aion can I please just have a shirt now. All subsequent stops are, well... ]
i. so just drinking and fucking
[ Going back to the Citadel isn't even remotely on his mind, certainly not when he's got plenty of self-pity to wallow in.
Amos sticks to the seedier parts of Achamoth, weaving his way through various bars and brothels as the mood strikes him. He still doesn't have any money on him, so it's a whole lot of showing off his shard to get either free booze, comped sex, or serve as a credible IOU (and one that, to the meagre credit he has left, he'll actually fulfil once he's had the chance to get his head back on straight and reacquire finances from the Citadel). It isn't hedonism he's fully sinking into so much as I'm a bad person, I feel like shit, I'm going to do things that physically make me feel less like shit. There are worse coping mechanisms, he figures; if there actually aren't, he doesn't care.
He ignores all communion messages he feels coming through; the best anyone can hope for if they try to reach out to him directly is a tacit acknowledgment that he's still alive, combined with maybe a somewhat hazy impression of his immediate surroundings, if that latter part ends up slipping through.
That, or maybe you just so happen to run into him in some shithole dive bar or upon leaving a brothel.
Either way, there really isn't a whole lot he can do if you end up in physically the same space as him, is there. ]
ii. till they run out of one or the other
[ At some point, he actually does have to go back to the Citadel.
He's clearly worse for the wear when he finally shows back up there, rough around the edges when he finally delivers his report to Xishen — several days late, but who's counting — and then has free reign of... well, not the entire place, but the usual.
Fuck, does he need a shower. And a nap. And maybe another drink, because why the hell not. Even though he may not necessarily look it, Amos is certainly feeling better; otherwise, he wouldn't have ended up back here.
Maybe he's dishevelled, maybe he's finally had the chance to clean up; maybe he's briefly roaming the hallways, maybe he's taking advantage of having his own spacious room again. Either way, he's certainly more receptive to company, having gotten most of... that... out of his system in the city.
Though Amos isn't forgetting how easily led astray he was, all in the name of hurting people, anytime soon. That part still bothers him, but when hasn't that been a regular part of his psyche, anyway. ]
iii. wildcard
[ I'm at arii#6412 or![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
cadiai if we need to talk specifics. ]
WHAT: Amos rewards himself for being cured of Innocence by going on a depression bender.
WHERE: Throughout Achamoth
WHEN: Towards the end of/after the event
WARNINGS: Depression, self-loathing, a little suicidal ideation, lots of drinking, references to brothels, discussion of domestic violence/sexual assault/prostitution/child prostitution; will update as necessary
[ So, this sucks.
Getting out of Venera as soon as possible had been the only thing on Amos' mind once Misa had forced him out of Innocence's grip. That thing had exploited his vulnerabilities, manipulated him, turned him into a puppet to spread its nonsensical, fucked up
His legacy's shrine is one of the closest to Achamoth. Easy.
He had to swim across a lake and spend days walking across farmland in waterlogged boots before he actually made it back to the city. Less easy.
Though for all of the personal discomfort and frustration that brought with it, it was readily ignored by spending that time mentally reviewing everything he did while he was fucked in the head, now that he could with proper context. All of the harm he'd caused, all of the ways he'd refused to listen to reason, being reminded of the fact that all he's really good for is ruining other people's lives. Turns out that sucks.
Then there's the fact that ever since an initial mishap during one of his first days in Achamoth, he's been careful to not go out into the city with his shard exposed — but since anything he'd used to cover it up had ended up getting destroyed in Venera, he has no choice but to subject himself to. This. When he's the last person who should be revered or admired in any way, and now he has no way to avoid it.
The first stop on Amos' list is somewhere that can get him clothed again, courtesy of I don't have any money but I am an Aion can I please just have a shirt now. All subsequent stops are, well... ]
i. so just drinking and fucking
[ Going back to the Citadel isn't even remotely on his mind, certainly not when he's got plenty of self-pity to wallow in.
Amos sticks to the seedier parts of Achamoth, weaving his way through various bars and brothels as the mood strikes him. He still doesn't have any money on him, so it's a whole lot of showing off his shard to get either free booze, comped sex, or serve as a credible IOU (and one that, to the meagre credit he has left, he'll actually fulfil once he's had the chance to get his head back on straight and reacquire finances from the Citadel). It isn't hedonism he's fully sinking into so much as I'm a bad person, I feel like shit, I'm going to do things that physically make me feel less like shit. There are worse coping mechanisms, he figures; if there actually aren't, he doesn't care.
He ignores all communion messages he feels coming through; the best anyone can hope for if they try to reach out to him directly is a tacit acknowledgment that he's still alive, combined with maybe a somewhat hazy impression of his immediate surroundings, if that latter part ends up slipping through.
That, or maybe you just so happen to run into him in some shithole dive bar or upon leaving a brothel.
Either way, there really isn't a whole lot he can do if you end up in physically the same space as him, is there. ]
ii. till they run out of one or the other
[ At some point, he actually does have to go back to the Citadel.
He's clearly worse for the wear when he finally shows back up there, rough around the edges when he finally delivers his report to Xishen — several days late, but who's counting — and then has free reign of... well, not the entire place, but the usual.
Fuck, does he need a shower. And a nap. And maybe another drink, because why the hell not. Even though he may not necessarily look it, Amos is certainly feeling better; otherwise, he wouldn't have ended up back here.
Maybe he's dishevelled, maybe he's finally had the chance to clean up; maybe he's briefly roaming the hallways, maybe he's taking advantage of having his own spacious room again. Either way, he's certainly more receptive to company, having gotten most of... that... out of his system in the city.
Though Amos isn't forgetting how easily led astray he was, all in the name of hurting people, anytime soon. That part still bothers him, but when hasn't that been a regular part of his psyche, anyway. ]
iii. wildcard
[ I'm at arii#6412 or
no subject
He's back to sipping this time as Kaeya speaks, and yeah, that positive spin is working. Any of the bitterness he'd been holding onto seeps away, replaced with a kind of optimism. Like, yeah. They really are here to do something good. ]
Yeah. If they don't wanna fix things, that's fine. Not like anybody's gonna get left behind when we sort everything out.
[ Which is a hell of a way to talk about ending all life as they know it, but hey. Whatever. That's what they're gonna be doing eventually.
Amos looks back up at Kaeya, a softness to his expression, mind pleasantly buzzed. This feels like a scenario he could've experienced back home. Where, even if he had the chance to be the more knowledgeable party, he'd still need to gently be guided to the right conclusion most of the time. There's an echo of familiarity to all of this, and there's something really nice about leaning into it. ]
Y'know, [ he starts out slow, setting his glass down, settling further back into his chair. Comfortable, ] this really was good shit. And it's kinda nice, getting reminders like that. I'm used to things taking a long time, and this ain't exactly gonna be any different, but never a bad thing to lay out your priorities again along the way.
[ And they've got the same ones. That's — it's such an important thing.
And whatever Kaeya had come to him for, Amos has been getting something out of it, too. So when he'd said earlier that Kaeya really could just show up whenever... he'd meant it then, but the sentiment's got all the more meaning behind it now. ]
no subject
it's probably just the amos effect at this point. (it also helps that he's easy on the eyes too.) ]
... I must admit, I did get more out of this than I expected.
[ after all, what he wanted is to just have someone to listen, but he thinks he's going to leave here with a better idea of what he's meant to do and what role he's meant to play here. and while he doesn't think he can be completely rid of all his uncertainties, he can always rely on amos to keep him in check at the very least. ]
But I appreciate it nonetheless. Thanks for hearing me out, Amos.
[ he'd already been planning on making this a regular thing since he first brought it up, but if amos is getting something out of this too, then that's all the more reason to make this routine. ]
And I hope you know that you can come to me should you ever need anything.
[ it's a two-way street. (friendship, that is.) ]
no subject
He raises his eyebrows at him on that first remark; what did he expect to get out of this? But it's a silent question as Amos takes another drink, is content to just let him continue... especially as Kaeya thanks him. ]
Sure. What're friends for?
[ Because they're friends... who else shows up at one's door late at night with drinks in hand. Being in company you want to keep means being around friends. Hell, sometimes it means being around family, but right now this is just something nice. He's not gonna make it out to be anything more than it is until the times comes for that.
And what it is is friendship.
He polishes off the rest of his glass, offers Kaeya a smile. ]
I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.
[ For the wine; for the offer. Because Amos really isn't the type to go to anyone when he needs something... but having been told off by a couple of other Kenoma Lovers is gonna give him some things to think about. So. While his response is delivered plainly... maybe. Maybe he will. ]
no subject
[ for a moment there, kaeya doesn't think he'd said that out loud, but there it is in all of its confusing glory. he is looking at amos like the man just said something completely outlandish because he couldn't believe what he just heard. it isn't something he expected to hear since it's not like the two of them are particularly close— or maybe he's the only one who thinks that. at the very least, it doesn't look like amos is joking.
kaeya has always had the awful habit of assuming the worst out of everyone. that no one could possibly see him as anything more than just an acquaintance since what good will that do? he isn't an honest man. you can't really trust him, no matter what he says, but...
it's a nice thought, he thinks to himself, to call someone like amos as his friend. the last time he referred to someone as such is because he was being facetious. he doesn't want that to be the same case here, but that's probably why he is so hesitant. the strongest connection he's ever allowed himself to have didn't end well so it wouldn't surprise him if that's what happens here too.
still, if anyone could probably defy those odds, maybe amos might be the one to succeed. the man had already managed to change his perception of him without having to change anything about the way he acted, so who knows.
he lifts up his glass, tipping it towards the other man's direction. a toast. ]
To our friendship, then.
[ he downs the entire drink in one go before he could think to say anything else. maybe it wouldn't hurt to hope that this turns out favourably for both of them. it's a small sliver of a chance, but he'll allow himself to have this. ]
no subject
Not like it does anything to dissuade him, though. He just patiently waits for Kaeya to reach whatever conclusion it is he's going to, gentle smile on his face all the while. Amos isn't the type to say shit just for the sake of it; he isn't the type to make friends easy, either. But once he's found someone, he's sure of that much. Just a matter of waiting for Kaeya to catch up to him.
So when it looks like he does, his smile widens a bit. Amos raises his empty glass in mock return toast, nods at Kaeya before setting it back down on the table between them. ]
As good a thing as any to drink to. [ A beat. ] Especially if you're gonna bring wine back around again. It's like you said, right? Drinking with good company and all that.
[ Whatever reservations Kaeya might be feeling, Amos'll take them and saunter right on through. The writing already feels like it's on the wall to him, so why dance around it, you know? He'll be there whenever Kaeya's ready to pick up the pace. ]