[open] you know what your problem is?

[baltimores]

WHO: Amos, any Kenoma
WHAT: Amos rewards himself for being cured of Innocence by going on a depression bender.
WHERE: Throughout Achamoth
WHEN: Towards the end of/after the event
WARNINGS: Depression, self-loathing, a little suicidal ideation, lots of drinking, references to brothels, discussion of domestic violence/sexual assault/prostitution/child prostitution; will update as necessary



[ So, this sucks.

Getting out of Venera as soon as possible had been the only thing on Amos' mind once Misa had forced him out of Innocence's grip. That thing had exploited his vulnerabilities, manipulated him, turned him into a puppet to spread its nonsensical, fucked up somewhat understandable agenda, and he needed to leave immediately, before he fell victim to it again.

His legacy's shrine is one of the closest to Achamoth. Easy.

He had to swim across a lake and spend days walking across farmland in waterlogged boots before he actually made it back to the city. Less easy.

Though for all of the personal discomfort and frustration that brought with it, it was readily ignored by spending that time mentally reviewing everything he did while he was fucked in the head, now that he could with proper context. All of the harm he'd caused, all of the ways he'd refused to listen to reason, being reminded of the fact that all he's really good for is ruining other people's lives. Turns out that sucks.

Then there's the fact that ever since an initial mishap during one of his first days in Achamoth, he's been careful to not go out into the city with his shard exposed — but since anything he'd used to cover it up had ended up getting destroyed in Venera, he has no choice but to subject himself to. This. When he's the last person who should be revered or admired in any way, and now he has no way to avoid it.

The first stop on Amos' list is somewhere that can get him clothed again, courtesy of I don't have any money but I am an Aion can I please just have a shirt now. All subsequent stops are, well... ]


i. so just drinking and fucking

[ Going back to the Citadel isn't even remotely on his mind, certainly not when he's got plenty of self-pity to wallow in.

Amos sticks to the seedier parts of Achamoth, weaving his way through various bars and brothels as the mood strikes him. He still doesn't have any money on him, so it's a whole lot of showing off his shard to get either free booze, comped sex, or serve as a credible IOU (and one that, to the meagre credit he has left, he'll actually fulfil once he's had the chance to get his head back on straight and reacquire finances from the Citadel). It isn't hedonism he's fully sinking into so much as I'm a bad person, I feel like shit, I'm going to do things that physically make me feel less like shit. There are worse coping mechanisms, he figures; if there actually aren't, he doesn't care.

He ignores all communion messages he feels coming through; the best anyone can hope for if they try to reach out to him directly is a tacit acknowledgment that he's still alive, combined with maybe a somewhat hazy impression of his immediate surroundings, if that latter part ends up slipping through.

That, or maybe you just so happen to run into him in some shithole dive bar or upon leaving a brothel.

Either way, there really isn't a whole lot he can do if you end up in physically the same space as him, is there. ]


ii. till they run out of one or the other

[ At some point, he actually does have to go back to the Citadel.

He's clearly worse for the wear when he finally shows back up there, rough around the edges when he finally delivers his report to Xishen — several days late, but who's counting — and then has free reign of... well, not the entire place, but the usual.

Fuck, does he need a shower. And a nap. And maybe another drink, because why the hell not. Even though he may not necessarily look it, Amos is certainly feeling better; otherwise, he wouldn't have ended up back here.

Maybe he's dishevelled, maybe he's finally had the chance to clean up; maybe he's briefly roaming the hallways, maybe he's taking advantage of having his own spacious room again. Either way, he's certainly more receptive to company, having gotten most of... that... out of his system in the city.

Though Amos isn't forgetting how easily led astray he was, all in the name of hurting people, anytime soon. That part still bothers him, but when hasn't that been a regular part of his psyche, anyway. ]


iii. wildcard

[ I'm at arii#6412 or cadiai if we need to talk specifics. ]

Comments

[expiera]

[At his answer, her shoulders heave, and she gives a weary sign.]

Something, but not like us.

[She echoes after him, affirmative and resigned in equal parts.]

He's a teenager all the same, talks and acts like plenty others I've seen from my world. Teenagers are also notorious for being impulsive, reckless, bad at knowing their own limits, making stupid decisions, getting into trouble, and biting off more than they can chew.

[A short beat, and she briefly closes her eyes.]

But I know, there's also the reality of our collective situation. We're at war, and the Pleromas aren't going to simply give in. Sooner or later, something will happen. [With him, to him, surrounding him. All are possibilities. And next time, she may not be able to stop him like she had at the Lovers' Shrine.]

So I understand, doing what you can would be more than enough. If I can help you with that in any capacity without his knowing, please let me know. Please don't mention any of this to him though, or that I asked you about him too. He wouldn't take it well

[It's very much not subtle, no, that they're not on good terms. Things are as they are, though, and it's only fair Amos is warned so that he doesn't bring Ciel up in front of Gen and potentially risk anything between them. She'd just like for the teen to be watched and accompanied by someone who cares, it doesn't matter if she can't do it herself. That's... all.]

[baltimores]

[ He nods along at her description of teenagers, even feeling some degree of nostalgia; yeah, that's what Amos had been like, too. Turns out the first person he'd ever killed he... wasn't actually supposed to... so, whoops.

Hadn't ended up biting off more than he could chew, though. Almost did. But things had worked out for him, and that's the kind of thing that's gonna colour his perspective; potentially not for the better.

Certainly not when Ciel indicates that Gen wouldn't want her around at all. Or knowing about any of this. That actually is news to him, as obvious as she makes it now. It's a weird one — he likes the both of them, a lot. Would do just about anything for Gen to keep him safe. Would follow Ciel's lead, because she's got a good head on her shoulders. Finding out the two of them are at odds is... hm.

So Amos is silent for a bit, mulling those realities over. When he speaks up again, it's all understanding, all business. ]

I'm not gonna bring it up to him that you said any of this. Won't deny it if he figures it out on his own, but might get lucky and he'll just take it out on me. That'd be fine. Don't think he really means it when he does that. [ Against the odds — mostly the ones Gen has constructed — they've ended up relatively close. There probably isn't any long-term damage to be had there. ] I get it, though. Wish whatever had happened to him hadn't. Better to make sure nothing like it ever has to again. Anything I can do to ensure that, I will.

[ So she's officially got a partner in crime, as it were.

A beat, a moment's hesitation, and: ] Was that all — you just wanted to make sure he'd be okay?

[ Not that he's arguing with any of that. Hell, considering the day they've had, looking after the kids and all, it makes sense. And not like it's a bad thing that they've laid it out there. ]

[expiera]

[Regardless of where he's been and what he went through, here and now, Amos is an adult. That means it's their responsibility to look after their younger and lesser experienced peers, and Gen fits that to a T. Ciel isn't fussy about her means either, she simply lives by the certainty that if she can recognize a problem, then she'll take whatever means necessary to address it. This is simply her best recourse as far as Gen is concerned, that's all.]

Yes, that's okay. If he sees you positively, then that should already place you in a good position. It's only natural to care and worry about someone close to you. [She nods, shedding aside any prior hints of uncertainty to the neutral calm she habitually sports.] Thank you, Amos.

[...]

Finding out you're on good terms with Minegishi a stroke of fortune, I don't know everyone he gets along with. [(Few as they may be.) She may be prone to stalking, but not to THAT degree.] I spoke with you because I wanted to check up on you, that the Innocence's influence could affect anyone and only be repelled by hurting and upsetting the afflicted is... self-explanatory enough.

[She glances back his way.]

I doubt this is the last time this world finds some way to influence us like that. Do you know what to do, if it happens again?

[baltimores]

[ Hell, Amos certainly doesn't have to be told twice to look after their fellow Kenoma who aren't quite as versed in matters like he and Ciel are. It's already baked into his nature. He can just also remember being about Gen's age, already pretty much left to fend for himself, and if the kid wants boundaries, he's inclined to let him have them, since that's what he'd had.

But he'd also tear apart anyone who tried to hurt him, so there's that. So, ] Sure thing. [ She really doesn't need to thank him for something he'd be doing anyways. ] We get along alright. Think that's kind of a new thing for him, but once he realized I wasn't the kind of guy who'd be pushed away...

[ He shrugs, letting the sentence trail off. Sticks and stones, and all that, and if all Gen's got are words, then yeah, those are pretty useless against Amos.

It's easier to talk about that than Innocence. He falls into a contemplative silence, staring down at the cookie tin in his hands. ]

Misa knows how to get me out of it. Matt, too. I told them to do it if it happens to me again. [ He looks back up, then, back at Ciel. ] If I survived it once then I can survive it again, right? So it'll be fine.

[ He pauses. Taps the tin's lid in mild agitation. ]

Would help if we could kill whatever the fuck it was.

[expiera]

[Knowing what she does of Amos so far, it's rather expected that he'd put himself out there to protect the lesser experienced of their bunch. Gen is just... Gen, and while his personal feud with Dokja is the most alarming thing about them presently, that's also the sort of detail Ciel isn't "snitch" enough to tell everyone else. Amos will keep an eye on the teen, he's been made more aware of the need by a peer. That's... all, and hopefully, it'll be enough.

So she nods, moving on.]

That's good. [He has a failsafe, she won't pry further.] I did speak to a few others about that entity. [A small pause, and her eyes fall back on him.] The Regent, too: they're also looking to action upon the Innocence. Will you help us, whatever that may need to be done?

[A foregone conclusion, perhaps, but asking is only polite. She did agree with Silco that Amos was among the most straightforward and best candidates to onboard, once they have a more solid plan in their grasp.]

[baltimores]

[ Hell, Amos is blissfully unaware of Dokja's existence. If Gen has that specific a feud with anyone, he's blind to that knowledge. He just figures... you know... Gen. He'll get himself in trouble on his own eventually; if Amos is there, he'll do what he can to pull him out of it, just like that.

He wouldn't have thought about it being good in the exact same way that he's set up a failsafe for himself, but... yeah. Things are looking up, except for the whole Innocence thing—

Amos perks up at the request for his help. ]

Yes.

[ He doesn't hesitate, doesn't have to think twice, and the conviction in his voice should be unmistakeable. He remembers talking about this with Silco when he'd been out on his bender, the mutual interest they'd had. Bringing it up with Emet-Selch shortly after his return to the Citadel. Knowing that people smarter than him, with keener eyes for planning, are already thinking about exactly what he has is reassuring. ]

Whatever it is you need me to do, I'll do it.

[ Like a good soldier. Put him to work; he'll get it done. ]

[expiera]

[It's just as she and Silco discussed and predicted. Amos is the most "yes man" to ever yes, and is instantly ready to be deployed for any mission that may have the objective of dealing with it somehow. Considering how badly the Innocence had ended up affecting him, maybe it's personal for him too.]

Thank you, your support is greatly appreciated. I'll get back in touch with you once we have a more concrete plan of action, Amos.

[And they certainly will, even if it doesn't exactly pan out as initially theorized. One way or another...]