[ in a weird way, he doesn't entirely begrudge her use of this power to keep him neutralized. he hates it, obviously. he hates the powerlessness as much as how awful it feels. but there's something to be said about being taken seriously. he hasn't acted recklessly out of any concern for reputation, of course, but it'd be galling to be seen as easy pickings.

he finally looks at her with that question.

yes, he remembers that conversation. he's thought about it a lot. going directly from the martyr shrine to godsblood, he's had few opportunities to talk to kenoma — both in general, and about why they made their choices. the handful of times he has have been impactful, illuminating. he'd wondered a little if misa had been talking about herself with that explanation even back then, but hadn't dwelled on it. she hadn't made it sound that way, just that it was a reasoning for joining the kenoma that she knew about.

but now she does answer that question, with what feels like honesty. he'd been suspicious in venera, and he might be if she'd said this under different circumstances. but right now he's tired and he's hurting and after some of the other interactions he's had this past day what misa offers feels almost like kindness. ]

They would never forgive me, [ is what he finally admits. he does have people he loves more than anything, more than sense. he was tempted by that offer when misa made it, before the regent confirmed their involvement in the loss of his world. ] The people who I love enough to do that for would never accept that kind of trade-off. They'd never want other people to suffer so they could live. If I found a way to justify destroying what exists to save them, I would be a monster to them.

[ he doesn't sound unsympathetic to misa, or even like he blames her. ]

I understand how you feel. But I can't do that.