[ it'd be nice, he thinks, to feel like he's had more of a say in his life.
but if anything, he's had less of one. he was a whole person, see, when he was rand al'thor from two rivers. and for a while, here in horos, he's still been pretending that he still is. except, of course, he isn't. it's the lying to himself and everyone else — it's partially that — that put him in this cell. supposing he'd tried, really tried, on mastering his channeling from the start. supposing he didn't waste time faking a normal life.
but if wishes had wings, sheep would fly.
still. misa goes on, and he feels a visceral clench somewhere inside his chest. not in pity — not even in horror at a pretty girl his age saying something like that. but because, ]
That's all I was trying to do.
[ tumbles out of his mouth before he can think to stop it. but is there a point to stopping it? he'd cared about the world, of course, when he went to the eye of the world. but that's such an abstract thing, for all that he loves his world. he'd gone to die alone so that egwene would live. perrin. nynaeve. mat. loial. his father, his home. he'd summoned the strength to defeat the dark one for the people he loves. that wouldn't have been such a bad way to die. it would've meant something.
and that'd been snatched from him. of course he holds onto the pleroma with such white-knuckled conviction. he really believes, of course, but what else is left for him? ]
no subject
but if anything, he's had less of one. he was a whole person, see, when he was rand al'thor from two rivers. and for a while, here in horos, he's still been pretending that he still is. except, of course, he isn't. it's the lying to himself and everyone else — it's partially that — that put him in this cell. supposing he'd tried, really tried, on mastering his channeling from the start. supposing he didn't waste time faking a normal life.
but if wishes had wings, sheep would fly.
still. misa goes on, and he feels a visceral clench somewhere inside his chest. not in pity — not even in horror at a pretty girl his age saying something like that. but because, ]
That's all I was trying to do.
[ tumbles out of his mouth before he can think to stop it. but is there a point to stopping it? he'd cared about the world, of course, when he went to the eye of the world. but that's such an abstract thing, for all that he loves his world. he'd gone to die alone so that egwene would live. perrin. nynaeve. mat. loial. his father, his home. he'd summoned the strength to defeat the dark one for the people he loves. that wouldn't have been such a bad way to die. it would've meant something.
and that'd been snatched from him. of course he holds onto the pleroma with such white-knuckled conviction. he really believes, of course, but what else is left for him? ]