[ can he? when he told ernesto, he'd barely been able to make himself say much of the story. he'd simply channeled something instead of telling ernesto that he could, earning some disapproval. he'd run from his friends instead of letting them know this truth about him. he's just admitted that he'd run from his own father, too.
and then he feels a flicker of guilt. i've decided 'rand' is a friend of mine. and he's coming with us from here on out. even ernesto, so controlled in what he expresses, had been aghast about this information. but gentle, kind abel, who just promised support and friendship? who's so concerned about rand overexerting himself now? ]
There are people where I come from, [ he says finally, looks up to abel's serious, concerned face, and then away, ] born with the spark. It's not just that we can channel, but we must channel.
[ a lesson learned from ernesto: make it clear, at the beginning, that he can't just stop. he would use himself up for the war even if he didn't have to, in fairness, but — he does, is the thing. ]
But the Power that I draw on...that well was poisoned a long time ago. At the end of my last life. [ he'd said dragon reborn, hadn't he? ] I don't know how much time I have. But it always ends the same way. Madness, if I don't die first. I don't suppose many last long after that sets in — they're too much of a danger. It can't be afforded.
[ not in a world still reeling from the last Breaking, and not in horos either. his best hope is to be useful before he's a liability. his best hope is that he won't turn on the people he's quickly growing to care about. his best hope is that ernesto keeps his promise, or that the war gets there first.
so no, he can't go home. he can't risk having the blood of his family and friends on his hands (not again not again not again). he tried so hard not to let himself get close to people here, when he knows how it'll end. isn't it clear now, why he's so afraid of open, unconditional care? he knows for a fact that people love that way. he knows there are people who might love him that way. he knows that even if he manages to avoid hurting anyone, becoming a monster, such a thing would still end in grief. there's nothing good that comes of being around him. ]
no subject
and then he feels a flicker of guilt. i've decided 'rand' is a friend of mine. and he's coming with us from here on out. even ernesto, so controlled in what he expresses, had been aghast about this information. but gentle, kind abel, who just promised support and friendship? who's so concerned about rand overexerting himself now? ]
There are people where I come from, [ he says finally, looks up to abel's serious, concerned face, and then away, ] born with the spark. It's not just that we can channel, but we must channel.
[ a lesson learned from ernesto: make it clear, at the beginning, that he can't just stop. he would use himself up for the war even if he didn't have to, in fairness, but — he does, is the thing. ]
But the Power that I draw on...that well was poisoned a long time ago. At the end of my last life. [ he'd said dragon reborn, hadn't he? ] I don't know how much time I have. But it always ends the same way. Madness, if I don't die first. I don't suppose many last long after that sets in — they're too much of a danger. It can't be afforded.
[ not in a world still reeling from the last Breaking, and not in horos either. his best hope is to be useful before he's a liability. his best hope is that he won't turn on the people he's quickly growing to care about. his best hope is that ernesto keeps his promise, or that the war gets there first.
so no, he can't go home. he can't risk having the blood of his family and friends on his hands (not again not again not again). he tried so hard not to let himself get close to people here, when he knows how it'll end. isn't it clear now, why he's so afraid of open, unconditional care? he knows for a fact that people love that way. he knows there are people who might love him that way. he knows that even if he manages to avoid hurting anyone, becoming a monster, such a thing would still end in grief. there's nothing good that comes of being around him. ]