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WHO: Barnaby & Howl
WHAT: Barnaby is released from imprisonment.
WHERE: The Citadel, Achamoth
WHEN: 5 Firaseri
WARNINGS: References to torture, brainwashing, drugging, and psychological trauma.

[Barnaby is released back into the Citadel without event. The Regent had informed him that there was a battle soon to come, but he has no idea how soon that would be, or even how much time has passed since his imprisonment. Those were questions that could wait for later. The halls are quiet to nigh empty at this hour, something he's grateful for so he can stagger back to his room and collapse away from prying eyes.

He's not far from his quarters when the exhaustion sets in, though, a cocktail of drugs, the aftereffects of Dionys's venom, his own sleep deprivation and the damage to his shard making it difficult going. A spell of dizziness strikes him and he has to pause, one hand clutching his chest over his damaged shard, his shoulder leaning heavily against the closest wall for support. The shard is less of a constant ache now, if only because of the Kenoma filling the wound inside it, but it's going to take time to adjust.

He's trying to stop the corridor from lurching under him when he realises someone is approaching, and his reaction is a little too delayed to be natural as he stares.]

Howl? [It seems like a lifetime ago that they last met. He dimly remembers he was someone who wasn't assigned to Venera, at least, but he has no idea how the Kenoma in Godsblood will have reacted to the news of his betrayal, all the same.]

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[ This can't be a coincidence. The Regent must have told Dionys to release him now, to send him this way, at the right time for Howl to find him. More than being plausible, it seems certain to Howl, as convinced of the Regent's near-omnipotence as he is. This doesn't stop him from watching from a distance when he first sees Barnaby, but as Barnaby starts to look like he's on the verge of passing out, he accepts the role he's seemed to have been given. ]

Barnaby. [ Reaching his side, Howl looks the other Aion over. The only hint of where he's been are bruises around his wrists. Howl recognizes the bruise pattern as that left by Dionys' restraints. An involuntary, knee-jerk sense of jealousy immediately hits him, but manages to shove it aside as he reaches out with one hand to try to help Barnaby steady himself. Howl's eyes seem dimmer than usual, and the feathers on his face and arms are new since they last saw each other. ]

...you're back. [ flat and matter-of-fact. ] Are you trying to get to your room?

[Barnaby flinches away when Howl reaches towards him, the instinctive reaction akin to a wounded animal that wants nothing more than to slink off and lick its wounds. The only contact he's had throughout his confinement has been to inflict more pain on him or to heighten the spread of the Kenoma in his shard, and though he welcomes the latter now, the former means he'd prefer Howl keep his distance. (For what little resistance left that he can offer, with unconsciousness pricking at the edge of his vision.)]

Yes. [His gaze is unfocused, unsteady as the rest of them as he takes Howl in, the feathers now sprouting from his body.] What happened to you...?

[ Their Legacies don't need to match for Howl to have a fairly accurate idea of what Barnaby has just been through and how he is feeling in this moment. For as much as the "process" is meant to re-educate its victims, to correct their criminal actions and thoughts alike, it is also still meant to be a punishment. Even Howl, who has come to look back on his imprisonment as necessary and deserved, can separate the initial torture in his mind from the pleasure it eventually turned into.

Perhaps he is the only Aion who can provide any meaningful guidance or comfort to him right now. Now, when he's in the midst coping with changes to his own constitution that he does not understand. But when a person in need falls in his lap... well, that's what he's always done, hasn't he? (Hasn't he?) ]

Lean against me. [ Conspicuously ignoring his question, he gestures with his opposite hand, giving Barnaby a better but quick view of his blackened skin and long, pointed nails. Howl isn't going to force the other man to accept his help, but he isn't going to leave him alone until he does. He gazes at him with intensely neutral eyes. ]

[Barnaby frowns at the way his question is ignored, staring at Howl's arm in confusion. But he finally seems to relent, winding an arm around Howl so he can lean heavily against him. He's only barely keeping it together and has no energy to argue, and it's not like he has any pride left to try to salvage, at this point.]

Don't you resent me? [The others surely do, particularly those he'd attacked. He's surprised anyone would bother to help him at all, when not everyone is as benevolent as the Regent.]

Resent you? Why would I?

[ Accepting Barnaby's weight, he helps him step away from the wall. wrapping the inside arm around his lower back to help keep him steady. He visibly hesitates to reach up with the other arm, feeling an impulsive discomfort at the thought of touching Barnaby's hand or wrist with the rough, darkened skin of his palm. So, instead, he takes a small step forward as-is and begins to help the other man down the hall.

After a few steps, Howl comes to a small realization. He adds, ] I was penalized too, you know. A few months ago, around the time you arrived. You didn't know me then, so you had no reason to notice it or remember now, but I was absent from the welcome party.

[ because he was locked in a wooden box in Dionys' brothel dungeon at the time. ]

Yes... Someone told me. It was...

[Estinien's face swims into focus in his mind, but his memories are a haze for now, and unmuddied thought is still eluding him. He shakes his head slightly to clear it, to little avail, clutching tightly to Howl as they walk. Right now it's difficult to remember why they'd even been talking in the first place. It's all so far away, like another life.

He's so tired.]

Are you at peace now? [Not with the world -- or with any of this. Of course not, the Kenoma wouldn't allow it. But, at least, with their task, the ultimate goal they both had their doubts about, for which both were brought to heel and corrected.]

[ Howl does not get to hear the qualifying elaboration of Barnaby's question, and so he falls silent, contemplating it in earnest. Did it bring him peace? He thought it had, for a long while, but the way he's felt since he returned from Godsblood can't be described as being at peace.

Howl would not and cannot admit that aloud, of course, and so he ends up following the same train of thought that Barnaby did after asking the question. ]

It brought me clarity. Clarity of... purpose. If that can be called "peace", then yes.

[ Howl feels Barnaby's weight begin to slip, and in the pause to heft him back onto his shoulder, he catches a glimpse of the other man's clouded and confused expression. ]

...You're going to be alright, Barnaby. Things will begin to feel easier.

[Barnaby adjusts his grip as Howl hefts him back into place, and nods his muted agreement. Of course, he hopes things will be easier. Necessary as he now feels that it was, he doesn't want to go through that again, a seeming eternity of solitude with only the Kenoma for company, as well as the agony from the poison and a damaged shard. If it happened again, it might drive him insane. But if Howl was able to find clarity and hasn't wavered since, then perhaps...

He lifts his eyes as they reach his room. Though he'd usually wait by the door, his retainer is today nowhere to be seen, something he'd later hear was because the Achamite had quietly stepped down from his post, no longer wanting to be associated with a rumoured traitor.]

I can manage from here. [...So he says, but his condition isn't looking any better than before.] Thank you for the help, Howl.

Bollocks you can.

[ Keeping one hand free proves useful after all, as Howl turns the doorknob to Barnaby's room himself. As it swings open, Howl looks to him again — this time, with a faint smile. ]

If only you could see yourself right now. You're a mess. I'm not leaving until you're settled in and resting.

[ As Howl helps walk Barnaby inside, he can't help but notice that this task is... energizing him, somehow. Helping someone else, focusing on their woes instead of his own. Ah — is this what he's needed this whole time?

Once they're inside and the door is shut behind them, Howl leads him farther in. He spots his bed against the far wall, and a door to what he knows is the bathroom nearby. ]

What do you need most right now? A bath? Food?

[Barnaby casts him a confused look, as though he still doesn't understand why Howl cares enough to help him, shared experiences or no. But it also makes him -- grateful? happy, even? -- some emotion he wasn't sure he'd feel again, with the way his shard had been lanced, some of his deepest thoughts and feelings either destroyed or frozen away inside him.]

A bath. Please.

[His legs are shaking as they enter, proof enough he would have keeled over the second Howl left, had he listened to his insistences. The room inside is unremarkable by Citadel standards and doesn't look lived in, unsurprisingly for an occupant who never wanted to be here to begin with, though there is one small personal touch on a desk: a collection of seashells and stones the children had given him during their trip to the beach. His one treasures here that have been worth keeping.]

[ The state of Barnaby's living quarters is the virtual opposite of Howl's. Where there are piles of garbage, books, toys and junk in Howl's room, there's immaculately clean floors and tabletops. It's such a stark contrast that if it weren't for the similarity in layout, Howl would not have known that the door to the bathroom was the door to the bathroom. The wizard doesn't know what to think of this at first — maybe his quarters had been cleared out as part of the punishment? — but it occurs to him when he sees the small collection of shells and stones that, no, he just lives like this.

Howl says nothing. He asked for a bath, and far be it from Howl to deny the pleasure of a relaxing bath from one who wants it. He helps Barnaby through the bathroom door, to the edge of the tub, and reaches for the bathtub faucet with his free hand.

...how much help does he need doing this? Howl will undress and scrub him down if that's the level of assistance he needs — he wouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed about it. As the room starts to fill with steam, he gives Barnaby a questioning glance.

(Had Howl been in as bad shape as this, back then...? He doesn't remember being so incapacitated that he couldn't bathe himself... but then again, his stay with Dionys had been punctuated with a particularly memorable afternoon in her bathtub. Hm.) ]

[Barnaby's able to undress himself without real issue, at least, so his dignity isn't entirely out the window, removing his glasses first, followed by his shirt, then the rest of his clothes. He's also not particularly bothered if Howl remains or not, a side-effect of a career where his own body was more like profitable public property than something that belonged to himself. Of what use was modesty, in that case?

It becomes more obvious, now, that his physical weakness is more a product of poison (telltale puncture wounds from Dionys's tail, and dried blood, some of it more fresh than the rest, mark his body), weeks of starvation, and sleeplessness. Aside from that, and a few ugly bruises, the worst of the damage is of a kind more difficult to perceive.]

Can you--? [His now-blurry vision goes from Howl to the bath, a half direct plea for help. It isn't finished running yet, but the sooner he can get in, the less likely he is to turn into a collapsed heap on the floor.]

[ When Barnaby begins to undress himself, Howl takes that as an answer and looks away to give him some degree of privacy. In the meantime, he pulls various toiletries from around the sink and rim of the bathtub to a small table set between the tub and the sink. From here they should all be within Barnaby's reach, Howl thinks to himself, and he's about to turn and walk out of the bathroom when Barnaby speaks again.

Ah. He'd gotten a bit ahead of himself. Barnaby still needs a hand getting in, it seems, which now feels obvious in hindsight. Howl takes one of Barnaby's hands in his own and places the other on his shoulder to keep him steady as he steps inside. His skin feels warm. This is the first time Howl has touched someone with these new roughened, darkened palms of his; the warmth prompts him to be extra careful not to scratch Barnaby with his claws.

And he gets a good look at Barnaby's body in the process, for better or for worse. He knows where to look to see if Barnaby got a taste of Dionys' poison, and sure enough, he spies the puncture marks. The sight brings a rush of twisted memories to the forefront of his mind. ]

I see that you met Dionys.

[ There's a faint smile on his face again as Barnaby finishes settling into the bathtub. ]

She took care of me, too.

[Barnaby still has questions about Howl's changes, the strange roughened palms and those claws, but he says nothing as he focuses his energy on climbing into the bath and lowering himself in, wincing slightly as the water makes his wounds sting. The worst of the poison has worn off now, but the burning agony that had poured through his veins still feels fresh at this reminder.

So what Howl says next is especially jarring.]

Took care of you...?

[That has to be some kind of dark joke, but at least with Barnaby's now-blurry eyesight, he can't detect any trace of irony in Howl's expression. Barnaby had experienced none of the pleasure Howl had with her, only the pain, humiliation, and harrowing isolation of his confinement.]

Yes.

[ There's something like a shrug in Howl's tone of voice, a response to the disbelief that he detects from Barnaby's tone. It seems Dionys did not take care of him in the same way she did Howl — which is a shame, because surely Barnaby would be in a better mood right now if she had. But at the same time, well... it seems she deigned to go easier on Howl, reward him with more enjoyable methods. And Howl can't help but feel his earlier jealousy melt away at the idea of receiving special treatment from her.

But right now, he's here to take care of Barnaby, not silently revel in that morsel of wishful thinking. Howl does his best to stay on task as he stands up straight and glances at the bathroom door. ]

...It seems she was much harder on you, for whatever reason. [ He smiles apologetically. ] You said you were hungry, yes? Would you like to dine while in the bath, or after you're out?

['Whatever reason'? Barnaby frowns, still unsure if Howl is mocking him or he genuinely doesn't know. After what he did, of course she'd be harder on him. He simply counts himself lucky that his punishment wasn't worse than it already was.]

Maybe later. [He says it quietly, glancing at him over his shoulder. He knows he should eat something when he's literally starving, but he also doesn't know if he can keep much down at the minute. Maybe when he's clean and he feels a little more human again, he can think about other things like eating.] Thank you again.

[ The wizard's gentle gaze lingers on Barnaby as he tries to measure the reality that might exist separate from his words. He doesn't like that frown of his, although he doesn't pick up on what it could mean. Is he... disappointed to see him leaving so soon? Maybe Howl is being hasty in giving him peace and privacy — maybe that isn't what he needs...?

Howl hums. The sound of water rushing out of the faucet fills the room for a few pregnant seconds, and then he nods his head to Barnaby and leaves the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

But outside the door, Howl is not done. When Barnaby eventually exits the bathroom, he'll find that Howl is not only still there, but that a small table and chairs have been pulled away from the wall and into the center of the apartment's main living space, where the bathroom exits into. Howl is hovering beside it, fussing over whatever it is that's spread across its surface... but beside it is a small cart with a wine bottle sticking out bucket of ice, which is a good clue.

Howl looks over his shoulder to smile warmly. Without saying anything, he gestures for Barnaby to take a seat. ]

[Barnaby takes his time in the bath to soothe his aching muscles and find relief from bone-deep exhaustion, and gradually, he begins to feel more like he's regaining some semblance of himself. Not all of it: when he removes his shard, finally returned after weeks of separation, he can still tell there's something missing in that subtle hole in its centre, a void not even the Regent in all their compassion could fully rectify. But obsessing over that loss in his cell didn't bring him any closure, and now that he has his freedom and a goal again, he realises fixating on it here, constantly, isn't productive either.

He has the Kenoma, now. And with it, he has understanding. Suffering was just a necessary part of the journey to arrive here.

When he emerges from the bathroom, dressed in a dark robe and towelling his damp hair, he's surprised to see Howl, pulling his glasses from his pocket and putting them back on to get a clearer look. Wine, too...?]

You're still here. [He says it with some surprise. He hangs up the towel to dry, before moving to join Howl.] I didn't realise.

You said you were hungry.

[ Howl takes the seat across from Barnaby and gestures behind him. A teenager with fish fins for ears, one of Howl's retainers, walks to the table from the corner he was waiting in to pour ice water into their empty drinking glasses. The wizard thanks him quietly and returns his attention to Barnaby. ]

You know... serving the Regent, being in Achamoth... it means we get to enjoy simple pleasures like this. Good food, hot running water, servants to help satisfy our every need.

[ The young retainer returns to set steaming, loaded plates of food in front of each Aion. Not knowing what Barnaby would prefer to eat, Howl seems to have gone a bit over the top and put a little bit of everything on the menu. The plate is crowded with a fish steak of some kind, a fat slab of marbled medium-rare meat, a pile of what looks like mashed sweet potatoes topped with preserves, crispy fried something-or-other (questionable as its identity is, it smells incredible), a neat square of sugared cornbread... and a salad. (Hey, not all food in Horos is completely foreign.)

Howl picks up his outermost fork but waits for Barnaby to do the same, still watching him carefully. ]

Perhaps it's true that simple pleasures like this provide hollow comforts, all things considered, but it's comfort nonetheless. More than what we'd get if we were living out in the woods among the insects and monsters, like the Pleroma do.

[As hungry as he is, and as appetising as the spread of food looks, Barnaby takes a drink before he touches any of it; his throat feels parched, and it might help to settle his empty stomach first. It makes him conscious of the fact Howl is watching him closely, and when their eyes meet he sets down his glass.

Does Howl want more out of this than just a simple gesture of kindness? He's not sure what he's driving at, but he'll entertain the topic all the same.]

I didn't try to leave in search of comfort. [Though it's true he might have struggled to survive in the way the Pleroma do, if it's true they live out in the woods somewhere. He's always grown up in comfort and luxury, one of the few things Maverick had always provided for him too, even if his life was otherwise barren. To be deprived of the privileges he's been provided his entire life would be difficult.]

Still, it was wrong for me to scorn the Regent's generosity. I know that now.

Ah... Is that what happened?

[ Howl tips his head, and sensing some discomfort from Barnaby, he glances down at his plate with a thoughtful smile. The truth is that Howl has no idea why Barnaby was punished, what exactly his transgressions were in Venera. There were rumors of treason, but with the definition of "treason" in Achamoth being so vague, he couldn't have ventured a guess about what happened.

The wizard's curiosity burns hot, but he's doing his best to be mindful of his purpose here. This isn't about being nosy and poking into matters that have already been resolved, but about welcoming Banraby back as a comrade. ]

...I also tried to leave. [ Howl hums a short note and sets his fork back down. ] Or, well... more accurately, I tried to flee after the Regent contacted me for an explanation of one of my many failures. And instead of answering them, I ran. Literally. You might think that such a disrespectful and foolish act still wouldn't warrant such a harsh punishment, but really, the Regent was simply nipping a future problem in the bud.

[ There's a light-hearted, almost casual tone to Howl's soft voice. He's almost too frank about his own gaffe, as if he might not feel any real shame about it at all... but the way his smile doesn't reach his eyes suggests it's more complicated, more personal, than that. ]

But it was not about comforts for me, either. I had started to doubt our mission, and the Regent's methods.

[Barnaby picks at his food, but he still can't muster his appetite, and winds up setting down his fork again. His memories are hazier than they were, but he remembers Estinien warning him not to end up like Howl. He remembers how much he had struggled to avoid such a fate. But now... Is it really that bad?]

I heard. [That's all he says, simply, instead of elaborating on that rooftop conversation in Venera.] And I'm glad you were set back on the right path. You don't have any reason to fear the Regent, so long as you do as they ask.

[He pauses, takes another drink, brow furrowing as he collects his thoughts. His mind is clearer now, but still hazy in parts, but perhaps talking to Howl can help articulate his own reasons for wanting to leave.]

I don't remember why I was so against the Regent. But my crimes weren't fleeing... so much as direct sabotage. I was determined to save the rebels, as if their lives meant anything in the grand scheme of things. I even fought other Kenoma to stop them, or persuaded them to turn their back on the Regent in turn. Why did I...

[He puts a hand to his chest, where both the subtlest and most painful of wounds had been inflicted. Even now he doesn't understand what's missing, no more than when he had first been locked away, when it panicked him so much it hurt to breathe. Now he has the Kenoma, painful in its own way, but it's better than just... absence.]

My shard must have been damaged in the fighting, but the Regent did what they could to rectify that. I'm grateful for their kindness, even if I'm undeserving of it.

[He lowers his eyes; it's why, too, he was surprised that Howl would come to help him. Perhaps his opinion of him would sour, now that he's confessed to all of that.]

[ Despite having suffered an appropriate punishment, a mass of guilt is clearly still bearing down on Barnaby's conscience. Howl wasn't trying to make him tumble into a long explanation of his transgressions, but he listens quietly anyway. At least his curiosity is satisfied now.

...except for that last part. His Shard was damaged? Hearing that is instantly alarming. The placid expression on Howl's face disappears. ]

Damaged in the fighting? [ That hand clasped to his chest... is that where Barnaby's Shard is? Howl glances towards it. Without thinking about the propriety of such a request, he blurts out: ] May I see it?

Oh-- of course. [He's taken aback by the question, but he's already confided this much in Howl, he supposes he can show him. He extracts his shard from his chest, pink in colour and now darkened once again by the Kenoma, and lifts it to the dim light where Howl can see. There's no cracks or immediately obvious damage, but a small hole inside the shard. It's less like battle damage, despite Barnaby's theory, and more like evidence something has been surgically removed with great precision.]

It was... painful. It still is, knowing that something is missing. But the Regent was a great help.

[ When Barnaby presents his Shard for Howl to inspect, it takes everything in Howl's power not to reach out and grasp it in shock. His curiosity morphs into concern, brows furrowing and mouth twisting downward into a confused, disturbed frown.

Damage to one's Shard is extremely serious. It's the only way an Aion can truly die, and the word is that repairing a damaged Shard is extremely difficult... if not impossible, depending on the damage.

And... that. What is that. That hole.

That isn't right. That shouldn't be there. ]

You say this happened during the fighting? [ If only Howl could take it in his hands to get a closer look, but he knows how uncomfortable that would be, so he flexes his hands anxiously against the surface of the table instead. ] And — and something is "missing," now? What do you mean?

[ That does not look like something that would happen in a fight. It isn't a chip, or a scuff, or a crack. It looks careful and deliberate. Who on the side of the Pleroma would even do such a thing? Could even? ]

I don't know the details. [He says it helplessly, replacing his shard in his chest, once he's sure Howl has gotten a good look. He's only just gotten it back after weeks of separation, so he's not about to let anyone look at it except from a safe distance.]

The fights I recall were against other Kenoma, and I defeated all of them, besides the two who captured me. [Not including Childe, but that was only because he let Barnaby go, rather than the two of them fighting to any conclusion.] None of them could have done it. So... I don't know.

[He says it again, shaking his head, his expression faraway.]

It's difficult to describe. I just remember waking up during my confinement... feeling like part of myself was gone. When I was finally freed, I expressed my concern I might become a liability again as I was, so the Regent filled the void with Kenoma. [It's not a real fix, even he realises that. But what else could he possibly have asked for? The Kenoma is the only thing he has left.]

[ As he watches Barnaby put his Shard back and listens, Howl is silent again. If he had a heart, it would be pounding; instead, a pit of woe is growing in his chest, in the flesh behind his own Shard. There are only so many explanations for this, aren't there? — it could be as Barnaby posits, highly unlikely as it seems, or...

Or the Regent did this. Possibly, with the help of Dionys. As altered as Howl's brain was by his own punishment, those alterations did not reach the common sense and concerns that are currently triggering every alarm sound in his head. They had been cautioned so feverishly to protect their Shards, that damage to them could constitute irreparable damage to one's Self, and yet... for the Regent to do this to an Aion on purpose...

Dionys hadn't done the same to Howl, had she? No — no, Howl refuses to believe that the subject of his one-sided affection would ever do such a thing in these circumstances. He emerged from her brothel with his Shard completely intact, no need to fill blemishes with the Kenoma or anything else. And yet, what Barnaby has described... feeling like part of him wasn't right, that something had been changed, something lost... It's exactly how he'd felt, too. Not necessarily that he'd lost something, but that something wasn't right anymore, and he could not fathom what it was.

If Howl can be called an expert at anything, it's keeping his fears and doubts to himself, even in the worst of circumstances that would compel the average person to be honest with others. He sighs softly and beckons his retainer back to the table. The young man opens the bottle of a champagne with a loud pop as Howl speaks. ]

...if you memory is lacking, then it might be hard to say with any certainty where the damage came from. Perhaps you clashed with a Pleroma and have no memory of it... perhaps some new manifested power of theirs...

[ He's choosing his words very carefully, trying to reassure Barnaby as much as he is himself. But Howl does not really believe it, even as he's saying it, even as he knows how it could be true.

The retainer, after filling their champagne flutes, puts the open bottle back into the ice and steps back again. Howl does not reach for it, but he glances at Barnaby, wordlessly encouraging him to partake. The wizard picks his fork back up instead. ]

... What an odd quandary. You're right to still feel disturbed about what happened. I certainly would. But if the Regent has already taken a look, used their power to help, then maybe there's no reason to worry about it further.

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