Howl (
galdorleod) wrote in
aionlogs2022-04-23 11:19 pm
walk of shame
WHO: Howl & Ciel; Howl & you?
WHAT: On the afternoon of the second day of the TDM's events, Howl set out to make good on his lofty promise to take out Estinien. Once he found him, however, things did not go well. He returns at the end of the day with severe injuries, to be found by Ciel and whisked off for healing and rest. For the next several days, he stays sequestered in his room, but don't think he's so upset that he won't see visitors willing to give him sympathy and attention.
WHERE: Kenoma Lodestone (closed); Howl's quarters (open)
WHEN: Approximately April 27-April 30
WARNINGS: Description/discussion of Howl's pretty significant physical injuries; plus there's a good chance of self-loathing/self-destruction/vaguely suicidal ideation. He is a Kenoma after all, and he's having a bad time.
If you wanna plot something specifically for this, you can PM me here or poke me at
lazdo/OddLazdo#2470!
CLOSED: for Ciel (April ~27)
[ The day is turning to late afternoon when the magic of a far-off returning stone glimmers beside the Regent's Lodestone. In the next moment, a large, sticky black mass of feathers appears. The Aion buried somewhere inside shivers in shock and relief as he realizes the spell finally executed, but that quick pulse of emotion drops off sharply as the cold floor crashes against the torment permeating through his entire body. And then, gradually, comes a pervasive aura of not just despair, but tangible physical pain, emanating off the broken wizard like poisonous gas.
A few cultists turn from their current tasks to gawk at the monster that is now, suddenly, bleeding profusely in the Regent's grand and austere hall. They glance at one another as if wordlessly debating who should approach, if anyone. Before any of them move, the pile of feathers does; it rises as if trying to turn itself into a pyramid before two distinct but mangled wings peel away from the mass, along with arms and legs. There is no head to speak of, or at least, no protrusion that can be recognized as a head.
The creature turns very slowly towards the nearest archway leading out of the Lodestone's hall and begins to shuffle towards it. It leaves a trail of blood and iridescent black feathers in its wake. The cultists gawk, unaware of what exactly to do, but to any fellow Kenoma Aions nearby, the creature's mind is familiar. This tortured glob of malleable feathers is clearly, obviously the Wizard Howl, and he is not well. ]
OPEN: for all (April 27-30)
[ In the days following his return to Achamoth, Howl has done his best to keep to himself. Unfortunately his best cannot account for the tenacity of the others here, who to his dismay, have somehow already found out what had happened to him. Whether they know the details, Howl has no idea, but the mere fact that people know that he returned to the city in defeat after a day of fighting inflicts a kind of humiliation on him so severe that he cannot bring himself to show his face outside of his room.
Sadly, this has not stopped people from contacting him through communion — or even attempting to visit. Howl can't decide which is more dreadful: being trounced so thoroughly or suffering the concern of others.
At the same time, it is so very boring in this room, and Howl has never been able to bear being alone with his own thoughts. Regardless of who you are, there's a strong chance he will answer your message, and a fairly good chance he will yell back at your knock that the door is open. ]
WHAT: On the afternoon of the second day of the TDM's events, Howl set out to make good on his lofty promise to take out Estinien. Once he found him, however, things did not go well. He returns at the end of the day with severe injuries, to be found by Ciel and whisked off for healing and rest. For the next several days, he stays sequestered in his room, but don't think he's so upset that he won't see visitors willing to give him sympathy and attention.
WHERE: Kenoma Lodestone (closed); Howl's quarters (open)
WHEN: Approximately April 27-April 30
WARNINGS: Description/discussion of Howl's pretty significant physical injuries; plus there's a good chance of self-loathing/self-destruction/vaguely suicidal ideation. He is a Kenoma after all, and he's having a bad time.
If you wanna plot something specifically for this, you can PM me here or poke me at
CLOSED: for Ciel (April ~27)
[ The day is turning to late afternoon when the magic of a far-off returning stone glimmers beside the Regent's Lodestone. In the next moment, a large, sticky black mass of feathers appears. The Aion buried somewhere inside shivers in shock and relief as he realizes the spell finally executed, but that quick pulse of emotion drops off sharply as the cold floor crashes against the torment permeating through his entire body. And then, gradually, comes a pervasive aura of not just despair, but tangible physical pain, emanating off the broken wizard like poisonous gas.
A few cultists turn from their current tasks to gawk at the monster that is now, suddenly, bleeding profusely in the Regent's grand and austere hall. They glance at one another as if wordlessly debating who should approach, if anyone. Before any of them move, the pile of feathers does; it rises as if trying to turn itself into a pyramid before two distinct but mangled wings peel away from the mass, along with arms and legs. There is no head to speak of, or at least, no protrusion that can be recognized as a head.
The creature turns very slowly towards the nearest archway leading out of the Lodestone's hall and begins to shuffle towards it. It leaves a trail of blood and iridescent black feathers in its wake. The cultists gawk, unaware of what exactly to do, but to any fellow Kenoma Aions nearby, the creature's mind is familiar. This tortured glob of malleable feathers is clearly, obviously the Wizard Howl, and he is not well. ]
OPEN: for all (April 27-30)
[ In the days following his return to Achamoth, Howl has done his best to keep to himself. Unfortunately his best cannot account for the tenacity of the others here, who to his dismay, have somehow already found out what had happened to him. Whether they know the details, Howl has no idea, but the mere fact that people know that he returned to the city in defeat after a day of fighting inflicts a kind of humiliation on him so severe that he cannot bring himself to show his face outside of his room.
Sadly, this has not stopped people from contacting him through communion — or even attempting to visit. Howl can't decide which is more dreadful: being trounced so thoroughly or suffering the concern of others.
At the same time, it is so very boring in this room, and Howl has never been able to bear being alone with his own thoughts. Regardless of who you are, there's a strong chance he will answer your message, and a fairly good chance he will yell back at your knock that the door is open. ]

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She doesn't think back on it. With any luck, he won't beeline straight into Estinien, there's far too much to do once the shrines became active to fret over everyone on their side. Whether it be luck or misfortune, she was in the middle of discussing logistics with citadel staff when it happens; someone has returned, and with it--
--The biting smell of iron, and the suffocating pressure of pain and despair that cannot be perceived by any of the five senses. Projected through a sixth one only available to them now as Aions, there's only one possible source where it could originate from.
She's in the selfsame hall within the next moment, issuing sharp and concise orders that have the startled cultists soon moving again and dispersing without delay. Prepare a room, fetch warm water and clean towels, maybe a stretcher if they can find one (or she will carry the mass of feathers herself, one must do what must be done--), bring some painkillers and first aid supplies (whether they'll be used or not), clean the floor up, there's a LOT to be done that no one should be idling about. The mass of blood and feathers ambling onward may not be able to fully register every sound and movement around him, but before long, he will find a figure standing in his way, impeding his crawling advance.]
Howl.
[It's halting concern, coated with a faint layer of both exasperation and disapproval. This (headless) man is in no condition to be going anywhere by himself.]
You're badly hurt.
[Obviously. And just as obviously, he needs to be treated as soon as possible. Setting aside the cause to his ugly injuries, she does respect his will and person enough to not forcefully handle him - at least not immediately, not without giving him a chance to willingly listen and come along. Can he... Even hear her? It takes more self control than she expected, to not immediately whisk him off personally to the nearest empty room on the spot.]
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As cultists start to hurry around him, his survival begins
to sink in. The slump of his posture turns into a complete slump to the floor, which sends the cultists in a tizzy, but does not signal any change in the ambient mood of his mind. ]
...yes. I am.
[ Howl's communion voice feels quiet. One of his long feathered arms reaches up into the battered overcoat of feathers covering his chest to pull out his Shard. Holding his open palm up, he shows it to Ciel. Despite the horrible shape that Howl is in, and the layer of dried blood soiling the surface of his Shard, the gem itself is pristine. ]
Not... in the way that matters, though...
[ The mental impression that comes with this statement is not one of triumph. Yes, he will recover, but after confirming as much, his despair continues unabated. If anything, Howl might've sounded slightly disappointed about that fact.
A pair of cultists hurry over in the same moment with a stretcher. Howl does not move to get up. They're going to have to put their hands on his bloodied body and lift him. ]
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His very phrasing tips his feelings away, the emotional echo of communion only serves to cement the last nail in the coffin of her suspicion. She recognizes that sinking pull just as much as it gives rise to a bubbling sense of frustration in her own chest, and it's not only from how he's been outmatched as she had incessantly warned him about before. She takes no satisfaction in being correct, and while he may have fought and lost, there must have been more than just martial and magical combat arts exchanged to leave a soul so battered and resigned. What happened?
She highly doubts he would tell her, even if she asked (politely) and he were well.]
Please, don't be silly. This isn't a good time for your theatrics, we need to get you treated now.
[She can't quite swallow the faint edge of something chiding in her tone, sparing no more than a passing glance at his Shard before shifting her gaze away to scrutinize his form once more. This man...
Without further ado, she closes what remaining distance there was between them to do what must be done herself. There's something close enough to being man-shaped beneath that mass of jet black feathers she should still be able to handle, she just also wants to be mindful to not further cause him pain despite the pressing need to put him to bed and administer medical care as soon as possible. The cultists make room for them to move, some clearly relieved at the prospect of NOT having to touch or carry Howl directly themselves.
Squatting down to a knee right beside him, she beings with attempting to support him up by carefully propping an arm under a winged shoulder.]
Can you stand? Lean on me.
[She could carry him too, but then he'd have to either lay down in full or get up from his knees. ...No need to voice those options out loud, not yet, not unless he proves uncooperative and leaves her with no other choice.]
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Howl groans woefully as Ciel prompts him to get up, and for now he spares her any commentary. After hefting his weight against her small frame, he slowly begins to rise to his feet, but the other Aion is likely to notice that Howl is heavily favorite his right leg over his left. The wing draped over Ciel's back is similarly limp, being one of the three main sources of Howl's continuous bleeding — along with his crippled leg and a serious stab wound in his chest.
With a huff and a shiver, Howl collapses onto the stretcher as soon as he's stood up enough to do so. The two cultists are unprepared and nearly drop him, but they manage to steady themselves and maintain their hold. In the process of moving, the mass of feathers that is Howl's body seems to change shape yet again, shrinking and stretching out slightly at the same time. When the wizard groans woefully against the fabric of the stretcher and turns into his side to let himself breath easier, the bottom half of a face can be seen peeking out from within a head-like cloak of feathers that has reformed on his shoulders. ]
Where... are you taking me? What are you... going to do...?
[ Howl does not completely trust her to treat him with care, although it's mostly out of stubbornness. ]
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She makes mental note of his condition as she motions for the Achamites to follow her and move along, her eyes remaining trailed on his form.]
To the nearest empty room sufficiently well equipped to tend to you. You wouldn't want to take all this to your personal room, do you?
[All the blood and broken and singed feathers and worse, surely a peacock-like man of his stature wouldn't take well to his personal room getting dirtied?]
We'll start by cleaning you up. I should be able to stop your bleeding and heal up the more shallow wounds, maybe help you with stabilizing the flow of your magical energies too if you would permit me. [Would that even do any good? What made her exceptional back in her world was the incredible amount of mana her body was capable of storing and using, but now that they're in another world, there's no telling how well different systems of magic may mix. She is nevertheless willing to attempt a transfer of magical energies in lieu of blood, provided that it's something that may actually help him and with his explicit consent. How they feel about each other personally has no bearing over her sense of responsibility, she will do whatever that's in her power to assist all allies indiscriminately.]
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[ No energy to complain, but plenty left for jests. And yes, Howl's room is full of toys, and stuffed animals, and trinkets, and dirty dishes, and discarded clothing. Still in the mood to distract himself from his present dire circumstances, he projects an image of the inside of his room to Ciel for her to see for herself.
But, underneath his fake brevity, Howl knows that there's going to be much more to stabilizing him than what Ciel is saying. He's been transformed for too long and pushed the transformation too far. The next hour or so is going to be hell from that alone. And his injuries on top of that... He can't help but wonder if it's alright to let Ciel try to help without telling her what's in store. Howl doesn't know the extent of her command over magic. ]
...maybe... you should just let me die. Dissipate... whatever they insist on calling it...
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disasterkaleidoscope of collectible odds and ends with no rhyme nor reason.(Ok, she takes it back. Maybe he has less in common with the Lords at the British Museum than initially assumed.)]
...If you really want to have something specific at your side, from your room here in the citadel, we can go get it for you. Dirt, grime, and bloodstains don't make for proper bedroom decorations.
[She seriously answers in turn as she stares back at the miserable mess of jet black feathers on the stretcher, doing a relatively good job of holding back however the mental projection of his room had left her reeling a moment earlier. It's not hard to sober up at least, especially with the comment he follows up with. That he speaks so lightly of his own life...]
Don't be ridiculous. That doesn't make dying any less painful or cumbersome to go through. Just hang in there as you had, we'll get you through this.
[It's not the kindest thing she can say, but truthfully, she doesn't know what else she CAN provide, considering what they know of each other and how their relationship so far is mostly held together by the fact that they're on the same side. She knew him to be cocky and free-spirited, and he knew her to be naggy. There wasn't much of an emotional appeal she can make, plus the topic of "death" really isn't a great ice breaker she's particularly interested in pursuing. That leaves her with only one option: do whatever she can to ensure he pulls through, with everything at her disposal.
There's the sound of a door clicking and swinging open, and whether or not he may tell from the motions, they're turning. The ceiling changes, and he may catch a bed coming into his line of vision along with the shuffling of servants as they bring equipment into the room.]
As you are, are you capable of absorbing magical energy without external assistance?
[That should be prudent to start with, before she moves on to consider handling both transferring and stabilizing from her end. His wounds can be treated after, once she's made sure that he's sufficiently anchored to no longer risk dissipation entirely from an inability to hold his form together through magic.]
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April 28th
Either way, once the Harbinger locates the wizard, he will approach, a slight crease to his brow as he observes in an attempt to get an idea of what the damage was like. When he saw Estinien on the field, he looked pretty fresh so he's sure it was before Howl managed to get to him, but now he has to wonder how much the other Kenoma managed to do or not do to the dragoon before the battle was called.
It's not that he feels Estinien is any more dangerous than they have been predicting (at least but h what he's been predicting himself,) but he has to wonder if Howl took perhaps a little too much of previous knowledge for granted in how he set off to do things? He's less inclined to believe Estinien simply was the better participant of the match.
That's a question for later, though, so for now: ] Any idea how long it'll take for you to physically recover?
[ As Childe speaks he pulls out a deck of cards, a silent offering to play a couple games while they chat that might make the discussion less awkward. ]
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Several more days, at least.
[ That Howl was transformed when he was injured so severely is the only reason he did not dissipate. Even so, the magic he expended to survive long enough to get back to Achamoth and endure the pain — including the pain that comes with the transformation magic wearing off — has left him completely exhausted. And even if being transformed is what saved his life, it doesn't meant he got away without any injury to his real body either. Unbeknownst to Howl, Emet-Selch came to offer his healing powers, taking care of the worst of it — but not all. Gauze wrapped around both of his hands and wrists will make that clear to Childe, but with most of Howl covered in blankets, any other injuries are hidden for the moment.
Howl finally glances in Childe's direction. Seeing the cards, he gives a slight nod and beckons him over with the twitch of a few fingers. Doubtlessly, Childe has questions, but Howl will leave it to him to ask them. ]
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You got a preferred card game?
[ He's not really sure if Howl is in any condition to play, but... ]
I'm guessing you were caught off guard by his new... ability? [ he's not quite sure how to classify the wings, but considering Estinien could fly with them was far more important than their actual appearance.
How did this happen, though? It doesn't make such sense to the Harbinger.
The only thing Childe can think right now is Estinien must have managed to jump the other to get him put into such a state like this. He's really very sure Howl isn't that weak or that Estinien is really all that more powerful, if at all. He does believe Estinien knows the rules of engagement in battle a lot better than Howl would, though, considering the apparent stance on violence Howl took with Childe himself in the cave.
This is ultimately all nothing more than generalized assumptions, however. He met Estinien before Howl did judging from Estinien's lack of understanding when Childe questioned the wizard's whereabouts to him.
More than likely he was in just as good condition as Childe left him when he and Howl clashed. ]
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He regards Childe with the moody gaze of someone whose rest is being interrupted, but he doesn't tell him to leave. ]
The only card games I know are drinking games. [ And he's got no drink in his room at the moment, unfortunately. Instead, Howl takes a sip from a teacup sitting on the bedside table. ] Ran into the lanky bastard yourself, did you? [ Childe's guess was too accurate for it to have been a mere guess. ] You look good, considering.
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[ Nevertheless, Childe will start laying cards out on the edge of the bed, sometimes piling a card on another or sending it to the bottom or between already stacked cards, all one at a time one at a time. He takes his time with whatever he's randomly doing, but he will scoff, feeling a bit reluctant to comment but, well... what can he do. ]
Didn't fight him. [ Childe says, and there seems to be some venom in his tone. ] A disgusting brushing of a heart-to-heart with like Legacies is more accurate to what went down.
Not that he had much freedom to fight, anyway, he was carrying a new aion girl. There was no way I was going to convert her to the Kenoma, though.
[ unfortunately, it seems like Childe letting Estinien go was a huge mistake with what he did to Howl and the lesser but still pretty badly injured Makoto. It's not that he feels guilty about it— he isn't responsible for them and wasn't tasked with dealing with Estinien— but the knowledge still hangs in his mind. Would he feel differently if it was Ciel again or Misa, even?
...Unlikely. He made a promise with Aerith, and he would have kept to it regardless unless Estinien insisted.
Of course, he has to also wonder what the two said or did to the elven. Was it Aerith that prevented his encounter from turning into a full fight despite attacking them first? Estinien not attacking him back after Childe let him get free, that was just because he needed to protect the unawakened aion, right?
That's what he wants to think and will insist was the difference, even though there is a small voice that finds it funny he's trying so hard to lie to himself about what happened. Aerith's words come to the forefront of his mind as his brow creases slightly.
The silence starts dragging as he gets distracted with his thoughts, still slowly manipulating the cards into a slowly building pile.
Finally, he breaks it with a softer and more neutrally subdued tone. ]
I'll deal with him next time. I just want to know how he got the better of you.
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Listening to everything he says, Howl looks down into his lap, idly toying with a jeweled ring on his index finger. Childe had a chance to rematch Estinien and didn't take it? That seems... odd. And he doubts that the presence of another, newer Aion there is the real reason he didn't take his shot at him. ]
It seems the "dragoon" is collecting an increasing number of people who swear to get him "next time."
[ His tone is bitter, but his voice is quiet. Yes, he shares the same sentiment himself. He wants his own rematch. Howl knows he can beat him; he's been turning over in his head all the things he did wrong since he woke up. ]
The short version is that he got a surprise attack on me. I don't know if you saw it yourself, but he can fly — a power new to him since we'd last saw him, from what I've been told.
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30th
It is because of this attentiveness that he hears a curious bit of information; something about a boy returning to the city in a withered plume of feathers. Then comes a name. Followed by an adversary. Emet-Selch puts a hand to his forehead and sighs through his nose; It seems that Howl had lost his battle with Estinien.
A few hours later, he makes his way to Howl's room and stands at his bedside to provide the unconscious boy with what healing magic he can contribute. He was expecting to provide some measure of healing but this was far beyond what he thought would be necessary. A grimace becomes clear on Emet-Selch's face - Seeing him in such a state only frustrates him. Stupid boy and his pathetically fragile body, he thinks bitterly.
When he leaves, he only becomes more frustrated. The feeling steeps over days.
He returns some days later with the same cloud of aggravation weighing on him. It could be seen from the sharp look in his eyes and somehow felt as he enters the room. “Oh, it seems that our unsung hero has finally awakened.” Even the way he snaps the door shut behind him seems to seethe with irritation.
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The wizard is in bed, shirtless and sitting upright against a plethora of cushions, with a book in his hands. He looks good, almost fully recovered, but the faint traces of bruises still pepper his body. Frowning at the tone of Emet-Selch's voice, he looks away. It sounds like he's about to be scolded — and arguments are the fastest way to put him on edge and drive him away.
"Come to join the chorus in calling me a fool?" Howl asks quietly. He'd started to wonder if Emet-Selch would ever be coming to see him, as he'd undoubtedly hear about what happened eventually, but now he's wondering if he should have let him in.
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"No, I came for another reason." Emet-Selch crosses the room and starts to sift through Howl's belongings. He makes no comments about the particularly odd ones - such as the plethora of stuffed creatures. "I cannot keep you from making such decisions nor do I intend to. The most I can do is prepare you for meeting the consequences of your own hubris."
With that, he retrieves a shirt and stalks over to the bed so that he may throw it onto Howl's lap. "Get up. We are going outside so I may do everything within my power to ensure that this does not happen again."
There is a point to having given this visit a few days. That point was a slim margin of recovery.
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"Come to lecture me, then," Howl says bitterly. He peers the shirt and does not touch it. Then he peers back at Emet-Selch. So, Howl has disappointed him, then? Like every other old uptight geezer who finds themselves qualified to harangue on how he ought to act, Howl thinks to himself.
"You didn't tell me Estinien could fly." It is an accusation.
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"Ergo, your options are to learn how to better defend yourself and your shard, or resign to the sidelines as support and stay out of the fray." His eyebrows furrow. "The next foe you chase may not be as merciful as the last." It doesn't take much conjecture to draw the conclusion that the only reason he lived at all was through a show of Mercy.
"So I am offering to help you. If involves lecturing you, then so be it." Although it is being presented less as 'offering' and more like 'ordering'...
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"I would have acted far differently if I had an accurate idea of what he can do."
Despite his tone and defensive willingness to argue, Howl puts the shirt on. He does not bother to smooth the garment down or even tie the rope fastening that pulls the collar closed. With a grunt, Howl places his feet on the floor and stands, but he subtly favors one leg over the other as he does. Emet-Selch will remember how mangled Howl's avian left leg was a few days ago, broken in two places and pouring blood and nearly torn off in Estinien's attempt to break free of Howl's talons. Compared to then, Howl's leg is virtually pristine, but the fact that he's limping slightly is a signal of his recovery being incomplete.
"Well? Lead the way then."
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Later...
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let's say 29th!
She isn't afraid of knocking, though. And Meteion would not be herself if she did not wait patiently to be told to come in. But when that occurs, she does.]
I'm sorry you're feeling bad. [Meteion is well aware of what went on; of course there's gossip that she's paid a bit of attention to, or she wouldn't be here. However, the entelechy is in no way the type to rub anyone's nose in things.]
Are you hungry? I brought you a present! And yes, it's food. [At that, she giggles just a little, but doesn't persist. That could be annoying. Or seen as mockery, neither of which Meteion desires. She doesn't want to offend the wizard, after all.] If you don't want dessert first, I could get you something that isn't supposedly bad for you...
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The wizard is sitting upright in bed, blankets over his legs as he reads a thick black-bound book. He glances her over, hesitating. There's no reason to turn her visit or her gift down, as earnest as she's being, he just isn't sure what to say. ]
...Greetings, little miss. I'd be happy to receive anything you've brought for me, whatever it is. [ He shuts his book and puts it aside, this new situation being far more interesting. ] Although I would be remiss to accept a gift from someone whose name I don't even know. [ maybe someone he does know sent her? ] Who do I have the pleasure of receiving?
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It smelled so good--I hoped it would cheer you up, at least a little. Do you still hurt?
[She could open her senses and tell, and then likely do something about Howl's pain, but that sort of thing seemed rude to her, and so Meteion was not going to simply manipulate feelings without permission. The entelechy had never precisely been taught such a thing, but there was a good deal of empirical evidence, in her experience.]
If it isn't rude to ask, what were you reading? I'm only curious! [That's an understatement...]
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Howl takes the cup graciously, smiling his kindest smile. ] Thank you very much, Meteion. Please call me Howl.
[ Before addressing her questions, Howl gestures towards a servant's cart pushed against the opposite wall. ] If I may impose upon you as my guest, would you be willing to fetch me a spoon? I simply must try this.
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I visited the bakery it's from with Majorita and our servants. It's a bit of a way from here, but it's worth the visit. The proprietor's name is Haron. The food here is excellent, of course, but it's definitely a treat to visit that bakery, too!
[There might be other seats in Howl's room, but Meteion backs up a step or two from his bedside, and simply folds herself down to sit crosslegged, hands folded in her lap. Almost like she's a child on a field trip, or waiting for story time. His curiosity about the wings on her head might be satiated if he watches closely, they do move, folding in a bit as she speaks, and then extending again as she beams up at him, waiting for his reaction to the first bite.]
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Haron's, you say, then? [ Flashing her an "okay! are you ready!" sort of smile, he takes his first bite. It's delicious, of course, with a wonderful texture. Even the temperature is still slightly cool. ]
.......stars above, what did I do to deserve such a decadent present from such an adorable visitor? [ He takes another bite, regarding her as he does, noticing the subtle movements of her wings. ] To answer your earlier question — I am recovering well enough. You needn't worry about me, but I'm touched by your concern all the same.
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