aionlogs | [open] you know what your problem is?

Entry tags:

[open] you know what your problem is?

WHO: Amos, any Kenoma
WHAT: Amos rewards himself for being cured of Innocence by going on a depression bender.
WHERE: Throughout Achamoth
WHEN: Towards the end of/after the event
WARNINGS: Depression, self-loathing, a little suicidal ideation, lots of drinking, references to brothels, discussion of domestic violence/sexual assault/prostitution/child prostitution; will update as necessary

[ So, this sucks.

Getting out of Venera as soon as possible had been the only thing on Amos' mind once Misa had forced him out of Innocence's grip. That thing had exploited his vulnerabilities, manipulated him, turned him into a puppet to spread its nonsensical, fucked up ~~somewhat understandable~~ agenda, and he needed to leave immediately, before he fell victim to it again.

His legacy's shrine is one of the closest to Achamoth. Easy.

He had to swim across a lake and spend days walking across farmland in waterlogged boots before he actually made it back to the city. Less easy.

Though for all of the personal discomfort and frustration that brought with it, it was readily ignored by spending that time mentally reviewing everything he did while he was fucked in the head, now that he could with proper context. All of the harm he'd caused, all of the ways he'd refused to listen to reason, being reminded of the fact that all he's really good for is ruining other people's lives. Turns out that sucks.

Then there's the fact that ever since an initial mishap during one of his first days in Achamoth, he's been careful to not go out into the city with his shard exposed — but since anything he'd used to cover it up had ended up getting destroyed in Venera, he has no choice but to subject himself to. This. When he's the last person who should be revered or admired in any way, and now he has no way to avoid it.

The first stop on Amos' list is somewhere that can get him clothed again, courtesy of I don't have any money but I am an Aion can I please just have a shirt now. All subsequent stops are, well... ]

i. so just drinking and fucking

[ Going back to the Citadel isn't even remotely on his mind, certainly not when he's got plenty of self-pity to wallow in.

Amos sticks to the seedier parts of Achamoth, weaving his way through various bars and brothels as the mood strikes him. He still doesn't have any money on him, so it's a whole lot of showing off his shard to get either free booze, comped sex, or serve as a credible IOU (and one that, to the meagre credit he has left, he'll actually fulfil once he's had the chance to get his head back on straight and reacquire finances from the Citadel). It isn't hedonism he's fully sinking into so much as I'm a bad person, I feel like shit, I'm going to do things that physically make me feel less like shit. There are worse coping mechanisms, he figures; if there actually aren't, he doesn't care.

He ignores all communion messages he feels coming through; the best anyone can hope for if they try to reach out to him directly is a tacit acknowledgment that he's still alive, combined with maybe a somewhat hazy impression of his immediate surroundings, if that latter part ends up slipping through.

That, or maybe you just so happen to run into him in some shithole dive bar or upon leaving a brothel.

Either way, there really isn't a whole lot he can do if you end up in physically the same space as him, is there. ]

ii. till they run out of one or the other

[ At some point, he actually does have to go back to the Citadel.

He's clearly worse for the wear when he finally shows back up there, rough around the edges when he finally delivers his report to Xishen — several days late, but who's counting — and then has free reign of... well, not the entire place, but the usual.

Fuck, does he need a shower. And a nap. And maybe another drink, because why the hell not. Even though he may not necessarily look it, Amos is certainly feeling better; otherwise, he wouldn't have ended up back here.

Maybe he's dishevelled, maybe he's finally had the chance to clean up; maybe he's briefly roaming the hallways, maybe he's taking advantage of having his own spacious room again. Either way, he's certainly more receptive to company, having gotten most of... that... out of his system in the city.

Though Amos isn't forgetting how easily led astray he was, all in the name of hurting people, anytime soon. That part still bothers him, but when hasn't that been a regular part of his psyche, anyway. ]

iii. wildcard

[ I'm at arii#6412 or

cadiai if we need to talk specifics. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ It is time to take a break from reading. So Emet-Selch has taken a cup of tea and excused himself to the hallway just outside the library. There is fresh air and a view of the outside from this vantage point. A much-welcomed change of scenery after hours of intensive reading.

Though, it seems there is quite the different view striding down the hall in his direction. One of his "unintentional" students who looks as ramshackle as they come strides in his direction. Emet-Selch finishes the sip of tea and sets the cup on the saucer as Amos' passes. ]

Having a difficult morning, are we?

[ Yeah, time to ruin that fresh air, sorry.

Amos spares a glance at the tea as Emet-Selch's movement catches his eye. Looks back at him at the question, and shrugs. ]

I've had worse.

[ He has. Like... yesterday. And the day before that. And you could probably stretch it throughout the past week, plus a number of times back home, and at no point would he consider this bad or unhealthy. Just his way of coping sometimes.

But as far as he's concerned he's on pretty decent terms with Emet-Selch now, so Amos almost-smirks, decides to go for a half-serious half-equally snarky question in response. ]

Why, you got any magic I don't know about that cures hangovers?

Healing magic may help with what ails.

[ In other words, it could help but may not cure it. This is something he hasn't explicitly tried to cure since arriving. He sets the teacup aside and gestures with a flourish of his hand. It causes a refreshing burst of green healing magic. Hopefully, that would do something to help.

Emet-Selch looks at Amos flatly, knowing of the possible downfalls saying 'yes' to such a thing could entail. ]

I expect that you will not make a habit of showing up on my doorstep every time you have an excess of drinks.

[ Amos blinks in surprise as the effects hit him; he wasn't actually expecting Emet-Selch to do anything. The flat look and the warning to not come to him often are in direct contrast to the actual action he'd performed — and he does feel a little better. More alert.

Nice. ]

Don't think I'll need that too often.

[ He says it with a casual drawl as he tilts his head at him, really looking him over, as though he can parse his motivations. All Amos can come up with, combined with previous interactions, is that he really does care about his fellow Kenoma. So... it's good to know they're on the same page there. ]

It's cool you have that in your back pocket. [ A pause as he turns an idea over in his head; he feels better, but there's still something of a receding headache there. ] That kind of thing hard to learn?

[ Emet-Selch looks none too impressed at the look of assessment he's getting. Although, it doesn't seem to bother him either. He simply retrieves his tea from where it has been set and takes another sip. His fellow Kenoma can assess whatever he feels the need to. ]

It depends on the person. Some have the aptitude for it whereas others do not.

[ Emet-Selch arches an eyebrow. ]

Are you intending to learn?

[ Just trying to get a read on people, is all. Emet-Selch's been an odd one, ever since that dinner with the Regent, although Amos is more and more getting the impression that that was just a blip on the radar rather than anything particularly serious.

That, or the Regent had settled things right very effectively, which is fine by him.

The question has Amos frowning in thought as he opts to lean back against the wall beside Emet-Selch. It's more comfortable. ]

Doubt I'm the type who'd have the aptitude for it. I've always been better at breaking stuff than fixing anything. [ That's part of why the Kenoma had come so naturally to him, wasn't it? Either way, he's not exactly bothered by the idea. ] Maybe some basics. Y'know, like whatever'd be useful in the field. I can stitch people up the regular way, but that doesn't exactly work in the middle of a fight.

Magic and its use are intrinsically unique for each individual. 'Learning the basics' would be of no use to you.

[ It would be teaching him principles that may not even apply to how he would use that sort of magic. Not that he can give them the skills to know magic that they do not have anyway. ]

Although, if I may make the observation that one does not require healing magic if they are quick enough to 'break' their target.

[ In other words, do what you're best at, Amos. ]

[ Really? You can't even learn the basics of something? Amos' gaze slides down to look at Emet-Selch flatly; all this magic crap is sounding more and more like a scam.

The look dissipates quick enough as Amos shrugs. Whatever you say, teach. You're the expert. Although as for that second point... ]

Sure, but can't rely on that every time. I've got a good track record for being quick on the draw. Still been shot my fair number of times. Still always gonna have some need for healers.

[ Even if that means he probably won't be included in their ranks. Whatever. He's taken it before; he can take it again, if that really is what he's limited to. ]

It is best not to rely on one thing. Doing so provides a sense of unfortunate predictability that others may use to their advantage. However, you have what skills you have.

[ Another sip of his tea. ] How do your skills fare now that you have had time to practice?

[ ... Amos crosses his arms, staring at the wall across from him as he rests his head back against the wall. ]

They're a little better. It's coming to me more natural now. [ That's the good news. ] Haven't really had a whole lot of chances to practice since, you know.

[ ... Venera. Ugh. He just leaves it there, because yeah, Emet-Selch's right. He has the skills he has, and it just turns out that natural, physical combat comes a lot better to him. So of course that's where he's gotten meaningfully better.

He is gonna end up predictable at this rate, isn't he. At least his chances of getting shot again in this world are a lot lesser. ]

We have all been reasonably indisposed, yes.

[ He says with understanding - that doesn't require any more elaboration. They had a mission and that needed to come before anything else - though in a more preferable situation - it would be a chance to put the training to the test. Here, they had not been granted such an opportunity. ]

And each handling it in our own way.

[ Yes, he gets a sense that this current state of being may be distantly related. ]

[ Good thing he isn't the type to care about being judged, because Amos catches on to that immediately. ]

Yeah, well. You know.

[ A half-hearted shrug. Burst of healing magic aside, he is still a little tired, his body still sore and feeling the effects of a good several days' worth of abuse. ]

Magic probably wasn't helping any of us out there. So... at least there's that.

[ What a great consolation prize, right?? ]

[ He makes an 'Mmm' of acknowledgment as he looks back out at the scenery in front of them. ]

Was the assignment difficult for you?

[ 'Assignment' being their time in Venera - since it was a task assigned to them by the Regent. ]

Edited 2022-06-11 03:44 (UTC)

Yeah.

[ To put it simply, but he's really got no reason to lie. Not like Amos wants to get into all of the specifics — with anyone, really — but. ]

Didn't feel like I was actually doing anything to help at first, and that was the good part. I got sucked into the whole... whatever the fuck that thing was. It was like I was brainwashed.

[ He brings up a hand to halfheartedly scrub at his face. ] I was either useless or an active detriment the entire time. It fucking sucked.

[ The whole experience reminds him of the Primals Enthrall. Having people live according to their whims and compelling them to experience the world as they saw fit. ]

It seemed to think it was doing us all a favor in letting us live in the 'bliss' of lethargy and illusion.

[ He puts a hand to his chin in thought. ] Its gift to us; for better or for ill.

[ Amos lets his hand drop down, hang limply at his side, as he fixes Emet-Selch with a steady gaze. ]

It needs to die.

[ That's all there is to it, isn't it. Something that can take over that many people — take over him, not even through coercion, but straight up force — is a threat. When he was out of his mind, he'd craved everything it had to offer. Now that he's free from it, that's the only solution. And from the tone of his voice, it's probably clear he wouldn't mind taking it out himself. ]

Do you have a plan for how that would be accomplished?

[ It certainly sounds as though he is determined enough to have thought about it. ]

No.

[ His answer stays straightforward, blunt. Anything else would be counterproductive. ]

I heard it in my head; I felt it in the air all around me. But if it doesn't have a body, I don't know how to kill it.

[ That's more Emet-Selch's territory, isn't it? So... does he have any answers? ]

[ He puts a hand to his chin to briefly debate how to proceed here. ]

It is plain to see that such an entity cannot be allowed to continue unchecked.

[ It's difficult to plan for something he never saw first hand, but... ]

I presume you would be willing to participate in such an operation?

Yeah.

[ Nothing about his tone nor his demeanour has changed. He's angry when he thinks about it, sure, and he wants it dead, but since he's in a much better state of mind now than when he was out getting himself blasted at all hours of the day every day, he's perfectly capable of keeping a lid on it.

This is just hypotheticals now, anyway. This is just talking shop, and he can talk shop. ]

If you figure out some way to kill it and I can be a part of that, just point me in the right direction. I'll do the rest.

Then I must know more about it. I have gathered some memories of the creature from our fellow Kenoma, but I have yet to hear your recount. What can you tell me of the creature?

[ Words tailored to ask for details but avoid specifics unless he is willing to offer them freely. ]

[ There's a wave of initial discomfort. He really would prefer to leave it all behind, to not revisit some of those details, now that he's finally putting himself back together. But he also knows that withholding information will only hurt in the end, so.

Amos scrunches his face a little, curls his lip in disgust, before proceeding. ]

Didn't know it was a creature at the time. I could just feel something all around me. Dunno how it got in me, but I started hearing this voice after maybe a day. It told me some shit about how if I reached out to others I could help them. Save them. Like it was using me, and I just listened. I know it's all bullshit now, but then it just made so much fucking sense...

[ His voice trails off, frustrated. His fists involuntarily clench, relax, before Amos gets ahold of himself again. It's over in a matter of seconds. ]

I dunno how much time I spent like that. I just know it got into my head, fucked with my body, fucked with my mind, and I didn't question it for a second. When I snapped out of it, I left. Couldn't keep being a liability.

[ Emet-Selch puts a hand to his chin in thought. ]

I have encountered creatures that are capable of similar feats.

[ He could use that knowledge and experience, but he can't rely on the finer details given that these could be completely different creatures.

And given that the cure ended up being feelings of misery... He had to wonder if the Kenoma itself could play a part in solving this. The Kenoma had made them feel unending despair when they first came in contact. Inflicting the creature with it to cure its own affliction... ]

However, its influence reaches farther than I have seen before. The affliction could be seen far outside Venera.

[ So other things like that thing existed out there? Jesus. Amos leans his head back against the wall and closes his eyes, teeth bared in frustration for a moment before Emet-Selch continues. His eyes slowly open, looking back down at him before staring ahead at the wall in front of him, at nothing. ]

Yeah, I remember that whole thing about it being concentrated mostly in Venera. Except once I got out of there I couldn't feel it anymore. Figured I was safe.

[ And everything seems fine now, so he's probably still safe. Except the idea that he might not be again, wherever he ends up, really just emphasizes the need to kill this thing, doesn't it. ]

[ Hm. Potentially useful.

Emet-Selch gives a moment's thought to those words before giving a light sigh and stepping purposefully to the side. ]

There is naught to be done about it tonight. I suggest that you rest, and I will let you know when we have a plan in place to deal with the creature.

(no subject)

baltimores - 2022-06-23 10:46 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[open] you know what your problem is?

ii - In the Citadel Hallways

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)