last man standing. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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aionlogs2022-06-02 03:57 am
baltimores) wrote in aionlogs2022-06-02 03:57 am
[open] you know what your problem is?
WHO: Amos, any Kenoma
WHAT: Amos rewards himself for being cured of Innocence by going on a depression bender.
WHERE: Throughout Achamoth
WHEN: Towards the end of/after the event
WARNINGS: Depression, self-loathing, a little suicidal ideation, lots of drinking, references to brothels, discussion of domestic violence/sexual assault/prostitution/child prostitution; will update as necessary
[ So, this sucks.
Getting out of Venera as soon as possible had been the only thing on Amos' mind once Misa had forced him out of Innocence's grip. That thing had exploited his vulnerabilities, manipulated him, turned him into a puppet to spread its nonsensical, fucked upsomewhat understandable agenda, and he needed to leave immediately, before he fell victim to it again.
His legacy's shrine is one of the closest to Achamoth. Easy.
He had to swim across a lake and spend days walking across farmland in waterlogged boots before he actually made it back to the city. Less easy.
Though for all of the personal discomfort and frustration that brought with it, it was readily ignored by spending that time mentally reviewing everything he did while he was fucked in the head, now that he could with proper context. All of the harm he'd caused, all of the ways he'd refused to listen to reason, being reminded of the fact that all he's really good for is ruining other people's lives. Turns out that sucks.
Then there's the fact that ever since an initial mishap during one of his first days in Achamoth, he's been careful to not go out into the city with his shard exposed — but since anything he'd used to cover it up had ended up getting destroyed in Venera, he has no choice but to subject himself to. This. When he's the last person who should be revered or admired in any way, and now he has no way to avoid it.
The first stop on Amos' list is somewhere that can get him clothed again, courtesy of I don't have any money but I am an Aion can I please just have a shirt now. All subsequent stops are, well... ]
i. so just drinking and fucking
[ Going back to the Citadel isn't even remotely on his mind, certainly not when he's got plenty of self-pity to wallow in.
Amos sticks to the seedier parts of Achamoth, weaving his way through various bars and brothels as the mood strikes him. He still doesn't have any money on him, so it's a whole lot of showing off his shard to get either free booze, comped sex, or serve as a credible IOU (and one that, to the meagre credit he has left, he'll actually fulfil once he's had the chance to get his head back on straight and reacquire finances from the Citadel). It isn't hedonism he's fully sinking into so much as I'm a bad person, I feel like shit, I'm going to do things that physically make me feel less like shit. There are worse coping mechanisms, he figures; if there actually aren't, he doesn't care.
He ignores all communion messages he feels coming through; the best anyone can hope for if they try to reach out to him directly is a tacit acknowledgment that he's still alive, combined with maybe a somewhat hazy impression of his immediate surroundings, if that latter part ends up slipping through.
That, or maybe you just so happen to run into him in some shithole dive bar or upon leaving a brothel.
Either way, there really isn't a whole lot he can do if you end up in physically the same space as him, is there. ]
ii. till they run out of one or the other
[ At some point, he actually does have to go back to the Citadel.
He's clearly worse for the wear when he finally shows back up there, rough around the edges when he finally delivers his report to Xishen — several days late, but who's counting — and then has free reign of... well, not the entire place, but the usual.
Fuck, does he need a shower. And a nap. And maybe another drink, because why the hell not. Even though he may not necessarily look it, Amos is certainly feeling better; otherwise, he wouldn't have ended up back here.
Maybe he's dishevelled, maybe he's finally had the chance to clean up; maybe he's briefly roaming the hallways, maybe he's taking advantage of having his own spacious room again. Either way, he's certainly more receptive to company, having gotten most of... that... out of his system in the city.
Though Amos isn't forgetting how easily led astray he was, all in the name of hurting people, anytime soon. That part still bothers him, but when hasn't that been a regular part of his psyche, anyway. ]
iii. wildcard
[ I'm at arii#6412 or![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
cadiai if we need to talk specifics. ]
WHAT: Amos rewards himself for being cured of Innocence by going on a depression bender.
WHERE: Throughout Achamoth
WHEN: Towards the end of/after the event
WARNINGS: Depression, self-loathing, a little suicidal ideation, lots of drinking, references to brothels, discussion of domestic violence/sexual assault/prostitution/child prostitution; will update as necessary
[ So, this sucks.
Getting out of Venera as soon as possible had been the only thing on Amos' mind once Misa had forced him out of Innocence's grip. That thing had exploited his vulnerabilities, manipulated him, turned him into a puppet to spread its nonsensical, fucked up
His legacy's shrine is one of the closest to Achamoth. Easy.
He had to swim across a lake and spend days walking across farmland in waterlogged boots before he actually made it back to the city. Less easy.
Though for all of the personal discomfort and frustration that brought with it, it was readily ignored by spending that time mentally reviewing everything he did while he was fucked in the head, now that he could with proper context. All of the harm he'd caused, all of the ways he'd refused to listen to reason, being reminded of the fact that all he's really good for is ruining other people's lives. Turns out that sucks.
Then there's the fact that ever since an initial mishap during one of his first days in Achamoth, he's been careful to not go out into the city with his shard exposed — but since anything he'd used to cover it up had ended up getting destroyed in Venera, he has no choice but to subject himself to. This. When he's the last person who should be revered or admired in any way, and now he has no way to avoid it.
The first stop on Amos' list is somewhere that can get him clothed again, courtesy of I don't have any money but I am an Aion can I please just have a shirt now. All subsequent stops are, well... ]
i. so just drinking and fucking
[ Going back to the Citadel isn't even remotely on his mind, certainly not when he's got plenty of self-pity to wallow in.
Amos sticks to the seedier parts of Achamoth, weaving his way through various bars and brothels as the mood strikes him. He still doesn't have any money on him, so it's a whole lot of showing off his shard to get either free booze, comped sex, or serve as a credible IOU (and one that, to the meagre credit he has left, he'll actually fulfil once he's had the chance to get his head back on straight and reacquire finances from the Citadel). It isn't hedonism he's fully sinking into so much as I'm a bad person, I feel like shit, I'm going to do things that physically make me feel less like shit. There are worse coping mechanisms, he figures; if there actually aren't, he doesn't care.
He ignores all communion messages he feels coming through; the best anyone can hope for if they try to reach out to him directly is a tacit acknowledgment that he's still alive, combined with maybe a somewhat hazy impression of his immediate surroundings, if that latter part ends up slipping through.
That, or maybe you just so happen to run into him in some shithole dive bar or upon leaving a brothel.
Either way, there really isn't a whole lot he can do if you end up in physically the same space as him, is there. ]
ii. till they run out of one or the other
[ At some point, he actually does have to go back to the Citadel.
He's clearly worse for the wear when he finally shows back up there, rough around the edges when he finally delivers his report to Xishen — several days late, but who's counting — and then has free reign of... well, not the entire place, but the usual.
Fuck, does he need a shower. And a nap. And maybe another drink, because why the hell not. Even though he may not necessarily look it, Amos is certainly feeling better; otherwise, he wouldn't have ended up back here.
Maybe he's dishevelled, maybe he's finally had the chance to clean up; maybe he's briefly roaming the hallways, maybe he's taking advantage of having his own spacious room again. Either way, he's certainly more receptive to company, having gotten most of... that... out of his system in the city.
Though Amos isn't forgetting how easily led astray he was, all in the name of hurting people, anytime soon. That part still bothers him, but when hasn't that been a regular part of his psyche, anyway. ]
iii. wildcard
[ I'm at arii#6412 or
no subject
Amos scrunches his face a little, curls his lip in disgust, before proceeding. ]
Didn't know it was a creature at the time. I could just feel something all around me. Dunno how it got in me, but I started hearing this voice after maybe a day. It told me some shit about how if I reached out to others I could help them. Save them. Like it was using me, and I just listened. I know it's all bullshit now, but then it just made so much fucking sense...
[ His voice trails off, frustrated. His fists involuntarily clench, relax, before Amos gets ahold of himself again. It's over in a matter of seconds. ]
I dunno how much time I spent like that. I just know it got into my head, fucked with my body, fucked with my mind, and I didn't question it for a second. When I snapped out of it, I left. Couldn't keep being a liability.
no subject
I have encountered creatures that are capable of similar feats.
[ He could use that knowledge and experience, but he can't rely on the finer details given that these could be completely different creatures.
And given that the cure ended up being feelings of misery... He had to wonder if the Kenoma itself could play a part in solving this. The Kenoma had made them feel unending despair when they first came in contact. Inflicting the creature with it to cure its own affliction... ]
However, its influence reaches farther than I have seen before. The affliction could be seen far outside Venera.
no subject
Yeah, I remember that whole thing about it being concentrated mostly in Venera. Except once I got out of there I couldn't feel it anymore. Figured I was safe.
[ And everything seems fine now, so he's probably still safe. Except the idea that he might not be again, wherever he ends up, really just emphasizes the need to kill this thing, doesn't it. ]
no subject
Emet-Selch gives a moment's thought to those words before giving a light sigh and stepping purposefully to the side. ]
There is naught to be done about it tonight. I suggest that you rest, and I will let you know when we have a plan in place to deal with the creature.
no subject
Yeah. Alright. He nods, gaze maybe a bit too serious for someone who understands that they aren't doing anything any time soon; for someone who really does need a good, long, deep sleep, finally. ]
I'll be ready.
[ And he's really not the type that says shit just for the sake of it. With one last appraisal of Emet-Selch — a deep look of trusting that he's going to know what to do — Amos is on his way. ]