last man standing. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
baltimores) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
aionlogs2022-06-02 03:57 am
baltimores) wrote in aionlogs2022-06-02 03:57 am
[open] you know what your problem is?
WHO: Amos, any Kenoma
WHAT: Amos rewards himself for being cured of Innocence by going on a depression bender.
WHERE: Throughout Achamoth
WHEN: Towards the end of/after the event
WARNINGS: Depression, self-loathing, a little suicidal ideation, lots of drinking, references to brothels, discussion of domestic violence/sexual assault/prostitution/child prostitution; will update as necessary
[ So, this sucks.
Getting out of Venera as soon as possible had been the only thing on Amos' mind once Misa had forced him out of Innocence's grip. That thing had exploited his vulnerabilities, manipulated him, turned him into a puppet to spread its nonsensical, fucked upsomewhat understandable agenda, and he needed to leave immediately, before he fell victim to it again.
His legacy's shrine is one of the closest to Achamoth. Easy.
He had to swim across a lake and spend days walking across farmland in waterlogged boots before he actually made it back to the city. Less easy.
Though for all of the personal discomfort and frustration that brought with it, it was readily ignored by spending that time mentally reviewing everything he did while he was fucked in the head, now that he could with proper context. All of the harm he'd caused, all of the ways he'd refused to listen to reason, being reminded of the fact that all he's really good for is ruining other people's lives. Turns out that sucks.
Then there's the fact that ever since an initial mishap during one of his first days in Achamoth, he's been careful to not go out into the city with his shard exposed — but since anything he'd used to cover it up had ended up getting destroyed in Venera, he has no choice but to subject himself to. This. When he's the last person who should be revered or admired in any way, and now he has no way to avoid it.
The first stop on Amos' list is somewhere that can get him clothed again, courtesy of I don't have any money but I am an Aion can I please just have a shirt now. All subsequent stops are, well... ]
i. so just drinking and fucking
[ Going back to the Citadel isn't even remotely on his mind, certainly not when he's got plenty of self-pity to wallow in.
Amos sticks to the seedier parts of Achamoth, weaving his way through various bars and brothels as the mood strikes him. He still doesn't have any money on him, so it's a whole lot of showing off his shard to get either free booze, comped sex, or serve as a credible IOU (and one that, to the meagre credit he has left, he'll actually fulfil once he's had the chance to get his head back on straight and reacquire finances from the Citadel). It isn't hedonism he's fully sinking into so much as I'm a bad person, I feel like shit, I'm going to do things that physically make me feel less like shit. There are worse coping mechanisms, he figures; if there actually aren't, he doesn't care.
He ignores all communion messages he feels coming through; the best anyone can hope for if they try to reach out to him directly is a tacit acknowledgment that he's still alive, combined with maybe a somewhat hazy impression of his immediate surroundings, if that latter part ends up slipping through.
That, or maybe you just so happen to run into him in some shithole dive bar or upon leaving a brothel.
Either way, there really isn't a whole lot he can do if you end up in physically the same space as him, is there. ]
ii. till they run out of one or the other
[ At some point, he actually does have to go back to the Citadel.
He's clearly worse for the wear when he finally shows back up there, rough around the edges when he finally delivers his report to Xishen — several days late, but who's counting — and then has free reign of... well, not the entire place, but the usual.
Fuck, does he need a shower. And a nap. And maybe another drink, because why the hell not. Even though he may not necessarily look it, Amos is certainly feeling better; otherwise, he wouldn't have ended up back here.
Maybe he's dishevelled, maybe he's finally had the chance to clean up; maybe he's briefly roaming the hallways, maybe he's taking advantage of having his own spacious room again. Either way, he's certainly more receptive to company, having gotten most of... that... out of his system in the city.
Though Amos isn't forgetting how easily led astray he was, all in the name of hurting people, anytime soon. That part still bothers him, but when hasn't that been a regular part of his psyche, anyway. ]
iii. wildcard
[ I'm at arii#6412 or![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
cadiai if we need to talk specifics. ]
WHAT: Amos rewards himself for being cured of Innocence by going on a depression bender.
WHERE: Throughout Achamoth
WHEN: Towards the end of/after the event
WARNINGS: Depression, self-loathing, a little suicidal ideation, lots of drinking, references to brothels, discussion of domestic violence/sexual assault/prostitution/child prostitution; will update as necessary
[ So, this sucks.
Getting out of Venera as soon as possible had been the only thing on Amos' mind once Misa had forced him out of Innocence's grip. That thing had exploited his vulnerabilities, manipulated him, turned him into a puppet to spread its nonsensical, fucked up
His legacy's shrine is one of the closest to Achamoth. Easy.
He had to swim across a lake and spend days walking across farmland in waterlogged boots before he actually made it back to the city. Less easy.
Though for all of the personal discomfort and frustration that brought with it, it was readily ignored by spending that time mentally reviewing everything he did while he was fucked in the head, now that he could with proper context. All of the harm he'd caused, all of the ways he'd refused to listen to reason, being reminded of the fact that all he's really good for is ruining other people's lives. Turns out that sucks.
Then there's the fact that ever since an initial mishap during one of his first days in Achamoth, he's been careful to not go out into the city with his shard exposed — but since anything he'd used to cover it up had ended up getting destroyed in Venera, he has no choice but to subject himself to. This. When he's the last person who should be revered or admired in any way, and now he has no way to avoid it.
The first stop on Amos' list is somewhere that can get him clothed again, courtesy of I don't have any money but I am an Aion can I please just have a shirt now. All subsequent stops are, well... ]
i. so just drinking and fucking
[ Going back to the Citadel isn't even remotely on his mind, certainly not when he's got plenty of self-pity to wallow in.
Amos sticks to the seedier parts of Achamoth, weaving his way through various bars and brothels as the mood strikes him. He still doesn't have any money on him, so it's a whole lot of showing off his shard to get either free booze, comped sex, or serve as a credible IOU (and one that, to the meagre credit he has left, he'll actually fulfil once he's had the chance to get his head back on straight and reacquire finances from the Citadel). It isn't hedonism he's fully sinking into so much as I'm a bad person, I feel like shit, I'm going to do things that physically make me feel less like shit. There are worse coping mechanisms, he figures; if there actually aren't, he doesn't care.
He ignores all communion messages he feels coming through; the best anyone can hope for if they try to reach out to him directly is a tacit acknowledgment that he's still alive, combined with maybe a somewhat hazy impression of his immediate surroundings, if that latter part ends up slipping through.
That, or maybe you just so happen to run into him in some shithole dive bar or upon leaving a brothel.
Either way, there really isn't a whole lot he can do if you end up in physically the same space as him, is there. ]
ii. till they run out of one or the other
[ At some point, he actually does have to go back to the Citadel.
He's clearly worse for the wear when he finally shows back up there, rough around the edges when he finally delivers his report to Xishen — several days late, but who's counting — and then has free reign of... well, not the entire place, but the usual.
Fuck, does he need a shower. And a nap. And maybe another drink, because why the hell not. Even though he may not necessarily look it, Amos is certainly feeling better; otherwise, he wouldn't have ended up back here.
Maybe he's dishevelled, maybe he's finally had the chance to clean up; maybe he's briefly roaming the hallways, maybe he's taking advantage of having his own spacious room again. Either way, he's certainly more receptive to company, having gotten most of... that... out of his system in the city.
Though Amos isn't forgetting how easily led astray he was, all in the name of hurting people, anytime soon. That part still bothers him, but when hasn't that been a regular part of his psyche, anyway. ]
iii. wildcard
[ I'm at arii#6412 or
no subject
Amos hangs his head, and only part of it is him being overdramatic. It's a good reminder, at least: his bender's over, he had several days all to himself for overindulging, it's time to set a good example again. But... man. He definitely wouldn't be trying that if there weren't kids around. He cracks his eyes open at them and sighs, much louder than he actually needs to. ]
Really can't argue with her, can you?
[ He even succeeds at injecting a bit of playfulness into his well-earned angst. When he straightens up again, Amos gives her a quick once-over, as if confirming that she really doesn't expect anything else from him, and... okay. If she's content, then he can be, too. ]
Yeah, alright. I could go for an apple or two. [ Now that's gotta be a good compromise — quick, easy, healthy, still good. ] Still gotta save some room for cookies, though.
[ He'll let go of how awkward it had felt to run into her again, but he's not gonna let go of that. ]
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"Well, you COULD try. It just probably wouldn't work."
[The black-haired boy shrugs with a tilt of his head, while Ciel puffs out her chest like she owns the place.]
An apple or two, hm? We'll see about that. Now come along, all of you. [Amos IS included with the kids now, actually,] Just apples and cookies don't make a meal, mister Amos is over twice your sizes and even you guys eat more than that. Let's see what else we can get him, shall we?
"There's bread from this morning! I know where the cheese is, too."
"Are we making a sandwich? You need meat for that, too."
"You CAN eat them separately, putting it all together is just more convenient."
[The girl and the other boy are animatedly chatting between them, while the black-haired boy puts up an air of looking aloof while waiting for Amos to follow along. Seems like he's getting ushered into the kitchen, whether he likes it or not! And once through the door, it's immediately obvious which area of the relatively large room (this kitchen DOES serve the entire citadel) Ciel had claimed for herself. One table is littered with baking ingredients, a couple of older teens at its end are busy separating the dough and shaping them into slightly flattened balls to fill the baking tray. Judging by the amount of trays stacked and waiting at the side, a LOT of cookies will be made today. There should definitely be enough for him, too, probably? Most likely...!
Only the black-haired boy remains at Amos' back, the other two have run off for the errands they
were assignedeagerly took on.]Don't forget to wash your hands, first!
[Was that directed at him, or the other kids? ...Same difference, right?]
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This is totally a callout and it's one he can't argue with. He's been getting that a lot lately. He really does deserve it, and he knows it.
Amos lets himself be herded along with the kids, standing well above everyone in the group and only vaguely getting the sense that yeah, he might've fucked up if this is the position he's in, but it's way too late to do anything about it now. He could protest that he's not even really that hungry, but that would definitely be a petulant lie, and he's well past the point of being able to fool anyone.
He shoots the black-haired boy a look like can you believe this before rolling up his sleeves and making his way over to the sink. It's. Yeah. Hygiene is a good example, too.
... He's really not used to the whole having to set a good example thing, and it's gonna be a bit before he'll be able to fall into the groove of it.
Amos shoots Ciel a glance as he dries his hands off, takes his penance. ] So am I on fruit or sandwich duty?
no subject
The boy, to his Look, only flashes him back a toothy grin along with a shrug. It's very funny to him watching Amos get herded actually, don't mind him just bringing up the rear? He's then hopping his butt onto a nearby chair and settling there to watch the rest of the kitchen with renewed interest, that one seems free-spirited and set to just do whatever he wants.
Let's not dwell on him, though. Now that Amos has washed his hands, he indeed has duties to see to!]
Let's start with sandwich duty, we'll have the ingredients shortly. You can help me out around here after you've eaten, how's that?
[She asks amicably as she proceeds to rummage through cupboards and drawers for a plate and a bread knife, then casually saunters past Amos with both to a unoccupied table more towards the back away from the prep area. As if on cue, the little girl from earlier is back with a basket already, it contains two loaves of bread and a thin block of cheese. She puts it on the table, beams at them both, and then runs off again.
The plate clinks softly onto the wooden table, the butter knife atop it. The other boy isn't back yet, so hm...]
Welcome back, by the way. Are you feeling better, Amos?
[It's not that 'simple', she knows. But breaking the ice has to start somewhere, right?]
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Amos shakes his head at the boy, but it's all self-deprecating playfulness. And then it's all back to Ciel. ]
Yeah, alright. Swear that's what I was coming here to do to begin with, just got distracted by the smell of baking is all.
[ So if you think about it, this is actually Ciel's fault! But it's said with good humour, like he knows that isn't the case. He just doesn't want to take his lumps without dishing out some of his own in return, as obviously false as they are.
Amos follows her over to the table, eyes tracking the girl's journey, the small assembling of ingredients starting to form. He's already got the bread knife in hand, ready to get things going there when Ciel speaks up again.
... That's kind of a question, isn't it. After a moment's thought he shrugs. Really nothing to do but be honest. ]
Better's the right word for it, yeah. I got pretty fucked— messed up in Venera, [ wow, that wasn't even close to a save, ] but nothing I can do about that now. Just be better. So... I'm gonna do that.
[ Like it's that simple. Although considering how his earlier coping mechanism had been a tantrum of indulgence, maybe it actually is that simple for him? Either way, he does speak with something of a good air. Contented, as he looks around the kitchen, at the whole operation she's got going here. ]
This is good. Hard not to feel better here, anyway. [ A beat. ] You're a hell of a lot more productive than I am.
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[The playful banter is accompanied by a wink of her part, it's nice to swing at this rhythm after everything that's happened. As the topic grows more sober, however, so does she.]
Right. Many of us had, it was something no amount of power or training could prepare anyone against. Dwelling over what you're powerless against won't do any good and only make you feel worse, so focusing on what you CAN change for the future is the better mindset to have.
[...]
But it's no good to keep things buried and let them fester either, so sometimes, it's also helpful to talk about things after. Air things off your chest, decompress and digest, you know?
[She gives him a more... weighted glance than before, but he doesn't have to answer, because--]
"I found sausage and veggies! Here!"
[The other boy who ran off is back with a wooden bowl, containing a half-cut roll of salami thicker than his arm, two tomatoes, and lettuce leaves. Ciel gladly accepts it.]
Goodness. Nicely done, Sacha. Thank you!
"Do I get more cookies, miss?"
Yes, I'll give you extra. Good work deserves to be rewarded, after all!
[The boy pumps a fist in celebration as Ciel puts the bowl down onto the table next to the basket, then waves him off for him to rejoin the little girl from earlier. That taken care of, she turns back to face Amos.]
Aha. I'm only doing what I can, there just happens to be quite the number of things to do here with a bit of looking around. There's plenty of help too, not just from the citadel staff but also the older kids who volunteered. Would you need anything else, by the way? Mayonnaise or some other sort of condiment, maybe?
no subject
He keeps at it as she speaks, cutting clean and even slices and nodding along in agreement, though he slows down when she gets to the part about getting things off his chest. Stops entirely to look up at her, giving her an unreadable look—
And then they're mercifully interrupted, and Amos goes back to finishing off the first loaf, not even paying that much attention to all of the other food they've been brought (well, not enthusiastically at least; he can admit they both look and smell good, and the noise his stomach gives undoubtedly gives him away).
He pulls out the second loaf as the kid goes on his way, but his motions are calm and once again even as Ciel switches topics. Without looking up, ] Mayo's good. We got hot sauce here too, right?
[ Because he's pretty sure he could use something like that right about now. Amos finishes cutting up the second loaf, looks at all of the slices he's got piled atop one another and sets the bread knife down, leaning against the table as he turns back to face Ciel. ]
Talking about things after hasn't exactly been my thing. Pretty sure I got it all out of my system. [ As confident as he sounds about that, though... who knows, really. Certainly not him, since most of the time he's unaware of what his emotions actually are. ] But if that's what you want to do, I owe you that much.
[ In other words: he's not stoked about the idea, but he'll go along with an honest effort if that's what she thinks is best. ]
1/2
[She claps her hands together excitedly and positively beams at him at the mention of hot sauce. He's... not imagining this, is he. She's usually relatively mild (citation needed), yet here she is now suddenly perking up and sounding several times more energetic and alert than he's ever seen OR heard her before--over hot sauce?]
2/2
Judging by the talk we've had before, wouldn't you say it's more a lack of opportunity, the reason why it's "not your thing"? I think it's worth a try at least, so maybe we can get to that after everything else is taken care of first, here in the kitchen? I don't want to interrupt your meal while you eat, and those cookies won't bake themselves, now.
[Reigning herself in (somewhat), she's dropped her arms at her sides again and is back to being... reasonably cheery, let's go with that. Did he have other plans after getting food, today? Because if not, she may or may not be reserving some of his hours for (making the orphan kids happy) baking and
counsellingdebriefing. Nothing too demanding, right?]no subject
As spicy as you got. Food options are pretty limited in space. Gotta get your flavour from somewhere.
[ ... Can he go toe-to-toe with her? Maybe?? Hell, either way, he wants to try now. It's more pleasant than thinking about that... other shit. Amos scrunches his face up a little, because he really can't argue with her, can he? ]
Dunno if having the opportunity now would make a difference. [ But yes, he is conceding in the way he relents, his body language slumping in turn: he definitely never had the opportunity before. ] You wanna do a debrief, though, I'm good with that. Whenever, really. Except—
[ Ah, there's his stomach again. He looks back up at her, wondering just what else it is she's going to be completely correct about. ]
How much am I gonna be loading these up? [ He tilts his head to the bread slices, to the baskets of other food soon to go in between them. He really is hungry, after all — and completely at her mercy today.
And it probably will be better talking about all that other shit on a full stomach, huh. ]
no subject
[Gotta wait for Godsblood for The Good Stuff apparently, and she eats spicy. They have something akin to sriracha sauce here at least, so that's what she'll be stepping away to fetch from another cupboard amidst way too many. She seems to know exactly where the hot sauce is, though that may not be surprising, given her earlier reaction...
That is, she's back within the minute, cheerily handing him a glass bottle filled with a red sauce.]
? Until you're full, when else? [Like the sky is blue and water is wet? What a silly question.] If you think you'll like more food, we could have one of the kitchen staff whip you up something else nice and quick, like a salad maybe? You're a large and active man, of course you should eat your fill. You need the energy!
[Not that today's itinerary is particularly charged, what with "making cookies" and "decompress Venera" coming up next, but it's the spirit of it! (Besides, who knows how lousy his diet had been before coming back to the citadel...)]
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So it's with good humour that he waits for her to come back, leaning against the table with the ever-growing sense that things could be so much worse. He's still lucky to be here. After Venera, after all of it. He's in a good place.
Amos huffs softly at her answer as he accepts the bottle, pushes himself off the table to assemble himself something proper. ] Yeah, alright, [ and it really has been some time since anyone fussed over him like this.
... It's kinda nice. Not that he's interested in admitting that part out loud, too busy cutting off thick slices of salami before reaching to do the same with the cheese. It's. They're going to be some pretty tall sandwiches, that much is clear.
It's when he's reaching for the tomatoes that he looks back over at her. ]
Did you want anything? Or did you already eat?
[ Or were you just going to eat cookies only— He's already been pushing his luck ever since he came to the kitchen, it feels like; he'll cut himself off there. ]
no subject
(No sense looking at a gift horse in the mouth. It's all the more to pass on too, when all's said and done.)
She happily watches Amos go at it, but at his prodding, straightens herself and takes a step back. --Ah, right. Almost got carried away, there! Oops.]
I've already eaten, yes. Didn't I just say I don't believe in working on an empty stomach? [Also lunchtime was a few hours ago, but that seems... less effective to remark about.] Please, take your time and don't hold back! I should be checking up on my helpers anyway, do let one of the kitchen staff know if you need anything else. Bon appétit!~
[As if on cue, one of the aforementioned staff is coming over to drop a glass of water on the table at his side. With a wink, a nod, and a twirl in her step, she's sauntering back to supervising and helping with the cookie baking. There's a LOT to make, starting with an extra batch at the very least; even if the kids (and Amos) don't decimate them all this very day, they're also good to keep as snacks for the rest of the week. Can't go wrong with a little extra, now can they?]
no subject
... He'll settle back into a routine resembling something actually human, something that the kids can actually look up to, later. Seems like he isn't quite done with being self-indulgent, though he is slowly getting there. And stuffing his face with food is probably better than drowning himself in alcohol, so can he really even be criticized now?
So Amos shoots her a look that makes it clear he's been thoroughly called out as his water gets delivered, and acquiesces her presence. She wins again.
...
Three massive sandwiches later (do nOT call him out, damnit) Amos finds her again. Surely her ammunition against him has run out by now, so... ]
How far along are we?
[ Yes he still has room for cookies. And if this means he can delay the whole debrief thing then, well, he's got no problems doing that either. ]
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Eating is good tho yes, getting nutrients in your flesh sack is important even if it's just a container for your soul gem here on Horos! He may or may not feel the eyes of the kids on him again, between fits of giggles and chatting among themselves. They seem to just be hanging out in the kitchen for fun, not helping but not making things difficult for anyone either. Ciel's still busy with the baking endeavors, but as a big eater in her own right, of course Amos won't catch flak for the size of his appetite from her end!
By the time he's hit her up, she's in the process of pulling out a tray from the oven: a fresh batch of shortbread cookies just finished baking, round, golden, and looking just right.]
About halfway in, I'd say? [The tray is placed onto the counter, next to another full one that was taken out moments earlier.] If you'd like a taste test, please take from the plate, these are getting wrapped after we let them cool for a bit. [Gesturing with a small tilt of her head towards the other side of the counter, there is indeed a porcelain plate holding about a dozen or so cookies away from all the ingredients and utensils.] After that, would you like to help with the packaging or the dough making?
[Seems like the plan consists of "bake a truckload of cookies" and "wrap four at a time in pre-cut sheets of paper" for a small cylinder-shaped snack package, judging by what the helpers are doing. And going by... everything happening in this corner of the kitchen, every single kid in the citadel is getting one. Is Amos ready to pitch in?]
no subject
Amos looks back at the kids looking at him, but hey, they're kids. They should be allowed to have a good time, just sit and wait on somebody else to make cookies for them. He'd absolutely be doing exactly what Ciel has already taken the initiative on if he'd had the mind for it, he just doesn't. Is more than happy to follow along and take someone else's lead, but he's been very busy with his selfish period up until recently, so, you know. There's only so much that can be reasonably expected from him.
... The temptation to take one of those cookies straight from the tray is. Strong. Ciel must have sensed that, the way she'd immediately warned him, so Amos pivots like it was his idea all along to take one from the plate. He's already taken a big bite from it before she's finished her question, a little noise of bliss emerging from him as he chews, because yeah, it's good. That hits the spot.
He even has the decency to swallow before answering. ]
Dough making. Kinda feels like I should be getting my hands dirty. [ So to speak. Besides, it's probably more active, and he could use it. Let his arms get to work, and all that. ] This feels like it could be industrial sized. We setting up a shop or something?
[ We, because he's decided he's firmly a part of this now. And his spirits have increasingly lifted the longer he's been in the kitchen, so yeah, he's gonna be happy to see this through to the end. ]
no subject
Haha, I don't think I have the time or capital for that. I don't want to give the skilled bakeries of Achamoth competition either. [Dog cafés would be a different matter, but Ciel doesn't know that just yet.] I've just been telling the kids things about my world, and how Children's Day is celebrated in June came up. Since that translates to Visoseri here, they all wanted treats, so here we are. [Sigh (small, but melodramatic)!] So now, it's only fair that everyone gets their share. This way, if you would please?
[And just like that, the next few hours fly by the blink of an eye as they see to it that every orphaned child under the Citadel's care gets their own little packaging of shortbread cookies sprinkled with a dash of brightly colored sugar crystals. Ciel was ready to help with the cleanup too, but after everything today, the kitchen and caretaker staff insist that the great Aions be on their way and rest, just leave the rest to them. So much, in fact, that both her and Amos will find themselves being enthusiastically escorted out of the kitchen, along with a tin can also full of cookies once every child's portion had been accounted for. It's 'their rightful share', as it goes.]
...Goodness. I would wonder if we've overstayed our welcome, but they were very nice about it. [Very much less "please get out" and more "you've done so much already leave the details to us", the kids have long left too after getting their share of cookies. The black haired boy, Charles as he was called, took some convincing, but he ultimately left too with one of the servants.]
How are you feeling, Amos? It didn't end up being too troublesome, I hope?
[As she hands him the tin of cookies, an 'Adult Portion' that could... admittedly, also last anywhere between a few hours to a few days. The oven being constantly on did make it hot, white patches of flour here and there on one's person can't be helped either, but otherwise, the work they had to do, the atmosphere, and the banter children and servants provided did make it a bustling and productive experience.
Though now that they're simply standing in the hallway... Hm. Where to, next?]
no subject
Which would have included cleanup, except the speed with which they're ushered out of there is almost breathtaking. He huffs at her comment about the staff being pleasant in agreement, but now they really are directionless, huh. ]
'm good. [ He accepts the tin from her, already cracking it open to rescue a cookie from inside. He's earned this. ] Really needed a day like that, I think.
[ He's not lying. Getting the chance to actually be around people again, let alone kids, his one weakness... to do something nice for them. After days of being mired in his own selfishness, maybe this, more than anything else, gave him the snap back to reality he'd needed. Or at least a long-term one that's going to stick.
So he offers the partially opened tin to Ciel, if she wants to take one of the fruits of their labours now, too. If Amos earned his, then she's earned her share more than twice over. That's all he can think of for what's next, it having been a busy enough day to have made him forget about any awkwardness he'd had upon seeing her again for the first time since. Venera.
What's a little trying to drag someone you trust down into the depths of Innocence with you when you spent the better part of the day making cookies with them, anyway? Surely it's completely behind them now. ]
no subject
[It seems like a natural thing to ask, and at his offer, she accepts it by plucking a single cookie out of the tin. She doesn't eat it just yet though, holding it near her face pensively while still maintaining a peppy and relaxed demeanor.]
Well then, what now... [As if she didn't set the rest of the day's itinerary already, but hmm.] Shall we go for a walk, or would you like to rest a bit and sit down somewhere?
[So that they can talk :) As agreed previously, yes?]
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[ He knows she just said that, but. For as much as he likes kids. Wants them to generally have a good time. Get the chance to just be kids. He never knows if he's actually doing it right; if he's making a positive impact on them. Most of the time, he doesn't really care how he comes off, but if he ever found himself mistreating a kid for whatever reason — sheer ignorance on his part in all likelihood, maybe stress — well. That'd be the number one thing that'd send him right back out to a downward spiral in the seedier parts of Achamoth, wouldn't it.
... So if Ciel, someone he already looks up to, thought he did a good job, then... that's something really heartwarming. Which isn't a common experience for him, but here...
He looks back over at her. ]
We can walk. Probably good to stretch the legs a bit again. I got nowhere to go, though.
[ In other words, lead the way. Physically and verbally, because he sure as shit ain't gonna bring up talking things out. Hours spent in a kitchen and getting the notion put in his head that he's done something good today are more than enough for him than to consider discussion of something he's decided is behind him.
But Ciel's already proven it only takes a bit of light bullying from her to get him to do anything, so... ]
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[He was patient, he humored the kids. He gave them his time of the day when they got a little unruly. They can be whimsical and have a penchant for chaos, but isn't that just people in general? What did he think it took, spending time with them and entertaining them?
At his expressed preference, she hums in agreement with a nod and begins leading the way. The citadel is a pretty big place with several courtyards, training and decorative alike; they won't run out of new places to get to, with all the zigzags it may take to reach every last one.
Well then.]
You're not blaming yourself over what I happened, I hope?
[Let's start with that.]
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Guess not. [ He's actually a little in awe of himself as he says it, looking back up at her, kinda surprised. ] I'm just not used to things being so... easy.
[ It had come naturally, that time in the kitchen with the kids. He hadn't even thought to question it at the time, so why is he now? Was it just him, though, or was it Ciel having a good effect on him?
... Either way, all that matters is that it was a good day. So. He's content to walk alongside her, cookie tin in hand (but lid back in place, because it's not like they need to eat the thing in one go. Walking is probably preventing them from just completely going to town, actually).
And then Ciel hits him with that new question, and even though Amos' wince is internal, it's probably still easy to perceive. Just give him a moment to collect his thoughts first and, then... ]
Don't really got anyone else to blame. [ His voice is clinical. Detached. And yet, still a casual drawl. ] That was still me, doing all that shit. I can own that. Not like I'm proud of it, but I'm done running from it now.
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[The
warningprediction is made with a sideway glance towards him that... Was that a wink? That may have been a wink. She doesn't skip a beat in her step or with the conversation, but does allow a brief pause to cool before continuing with more sobriety.]2/2
[She tilts her head slightly, blue eyes watching him attentively.]
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[ Since arriving in Achamoth, he's spent a lot of time out and about, away from the Citadel. A lot of the time spent in it has been more devoted to training and just enjoying the luxuries it has to offer, including the peace and quiet he can get simply by existing in his own, remarkably spacious room. But to actually be an active participant in these kids' lives... He's really not entirely sure why he hasn't done that before, especially considering how they're all here for the long haul. And if Ciel and Barnaby are doing it... if he can have a day like today...
There's a soft smile from him as he makes a bit of a show of shrugging his shoulders in response to her wink. Yeah, sure. He'd let them. They're certainly broad enough, he's only gotten stronger since coming here... why not? It'd be as good a fit as anything else.
And then his smile fades. Rude awakening is certainly one way to put it, isn't it. But at her question, Amos breaks her gaze, staring at the spot ahead of them as they walk, at nothing, gaze directed more inward than anywhere else.
After a moment, ] Gen. Matt. [ A longer beat of silence. ] Misa. I think things are okay now, it's just... [ What are the words for this... ] I don't like that there's something out there that can fuck me up like that.
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