is halfway to his lips when it gets stuck in his throat. he didn't mean to kill someone. he hardly knows how it happened. the memory has such an unreal quality that it's almost like a dream; but no, he's dreamt things that felt more like they really happened than that. still: does it matter? he didn't mean to kill anyone. that doesn't make the guard any less dead. that doesn't make rand any less at fault. would he do it again?
the answer feels like it should be no. it is no. except, is it? the regent took their tense peace — relative peace — and smashed it to bits. if any one of these aions with the kenoma came at him, at the people he cares about, with the intention to kill...what would he do? what can he do? the fact that it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't.
granted. he's sitting in a cell, surrounded by kenoma, with half his body turned to stone. he can feel the One Power, he can even touch the Source, but he can't do much channeling. these people feel nothing of doing whatever it takes to make him stop. odds are, he won't ever be in a position to wonder what levels of force he's willing to take against any of them; and if he is, then his future will be much brighter than it looks right now. ]
Maybe.
[doing what he thinks is right isn't a reframing of what he did that would've occurred to him. in a strange way, misa's almost handing him a lifeline. he doesn't love being compared to her, but ascribing a reasoning to what was otherwise an accident, or senseless violence, is...it doesn't help. but it doesn't hurt, either.
(lucky they're talking about this while she's eating. a part of him is intellectually aware that he hasn't eaten since — light, he doesn't remember. but it's hard to have an appetite when he remembers how a man falls when you run him through.) ]
no subject
is halfway to his lips when it gets stuck in his throat. he didn't mean to kill someone. he hardly knows how it happened. the memory has such an unreal quality that it's almost like a dream; but no, he's dreamt things that felt more like they really happened than that. still: does it matter? he didn't mean to kill anyone. that doesn't make the guard any less dead. that doesn't make rand any less at fault. would he do it again?
the answer feels like it should be no. it is no. except, is it? the regent took their tense peace — relative peace — and smashed it to bits. if any one of these aions with the kenoma came at him, at the people he cares about, with the intention to kill...what would he do? what can he do? the fact that it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't.
granted. he's sitting in a cell, surrounded by kenoma, with half his body turned to stone. he can feel the One Power, he can even touch the Source, but he can't do much channeling. these people feel nothing of doing whatever it takes to make him stop. odds are, he won't ever be in a position to wonder what levels of force he's willing to take against any of them; and if he is, then his future will be much brighter than it looks right now. ]
Maybe.
[ doing what he thinks is right isn't a reframing of what he did that would've occurred to him. in a strange way, misa's almost handing him a lifeline. he doesn't love being compared to her, but ascribing a reasoning to what was otherwise an accident, or senseless violence, is...it doesn't help. but it doesn't hurt, either.
(lucky they're talking about this while she's eating. a part of him is intellectually aware that he hasn't eaten since — light, he doesn't remember. but it's hard to have an appetite when he remembers how a man falls when you run him through.) ]