(closed) i'm immune to you, you're immune to me

[expiera]

WHO: Ciel and Xishen
WHAT: One Kenoma Martyr lady checking on another
WHERE: Achamoth Citadel, Xishen's room
WHEN: Half an hour-ish after the feast
WARNINGS: Suicide idealization

Back on the Triwaters during the boat trip, Ciel had privately asked Xishen certain questions pertaining to their Shards. Xishen had been very to the point and professional throughout the exchange, cool and collected as she stuck to her facts and left no room for ulterior interpretations.

A complete and total contrast to how she reacted earlier that night, when she went as still as a statue while the Regent roared their laughter out after Childe had made the selfsame suggestion. It was albeit less of a suggestion and more a straight out public damnation, putting her on full blast in front of everyone else seated at the table. It wasn't hard to notice how the other woman hasn't looked up from her plate even once after that exchange, the feast certainly ended up being the longest and most awkward dinner for more than just a few among their numbers.

Childe was naturally the easier one to speak with, as the Harbinger sat next to her at the table and they've already exchanged a few friendly words prior. She went after him first for a check-in, quite aware of the foul mood the entire ordeal had left him. There was always going to be a second stop made, however, and it was after having seen to that "loose end" more or less tied that she sets off to seek out her fellow Martyr.

What is she hoping for, when she already knew there was nothing she could have said or done at that table? She must admit deep down that she still isn't entirely sure, and the Regent's extreme reaction only made matters more confusing overall. She simply knows she must find the other woman, maybe make sure she's okay if nothing else. Thus she only hesitates for a beat once she finds herself in front of the corresponding door, the direction given to her by more than one citadel servant who all knew very well where the only Aion they've served for many years resides.

...There goes.

She knocks on the door twice. No other sound is made, but she does also attempt projecting a probing, seeking feel though "communion" towards her Aion senior, that's what the other woman had referred to the act as aboard the ship. Her free hand rests atop the Shard embedded in her chest, though she has no idea if that'll do any good when taking it out is what's supposed to heighten its sensitivity for whatever ends it may be used for. Ciel herself still isn't certain of the precise steps either, and while she's successfully contacted Xishen the last two times, they were also right next to each other back then. How about now? Will Xishen even accept seeing or 'hearing' her, even if she's present in her room at this very moment?

Only one way to find out.

Comments

[aionpcs]

"It wasn't the first impression I wanted to make," she says. She looks back to Ciel, casting aside whatever she was thinking on for the moment. "To undermine the Regent in front of everyone... to give people the idea that they could do the same and get away with it."

He brow furrows, and her words become a bit more sharp.

"...Because don't take any of this to mean that the rest of you will get the same reception if you follow my example. I've worked with the Regent for decades... and even besides that, they don't always act in predictable patterns. What slides or gets punished won't always be the same. It depends on who you are, and what your intent is."

"You saw that at supper, didn't you? They don't judge things on objective merits. That man who was banished from the hall? If he's as old and powerful as they said, it probably means that they afford his actions more weight." She shakes her head. "I don't know the details, but the Regent can learn things about you through the Kenoma. They know you, and they'll act accordingly."

[expiera]

Ah, that's true. With a small and unconscious frown, she cants her head to mull over her own oversight. She didn't see it that way at all... Why actually, come to think of it? Was it because she was used to being accorded a certain degree of independent freedom, as long as the overarching results provided fell within her superiors' expectations? Or because it didn't even occur to her to question, much less cross, the very clear figure of ruling authority, especially as that power was there with them in person?

"...I don't think it was seen that way, but it's a possibility, that's true. At least one of us had been under the impression that you intended for us take the fall over our collective failure, rather than interpret it as an act of defiance against the Regent." It may be obvious to whom she is referring to, but she opts to leave out any name, just as Xishen had.

She heeds the warning, as it is one.

"Understood." She does intend to do what she's told regardless of what she learns, she'd just still like to know. As contradictory as the very act of seeking more knowledge may be, for a weapon has no need of context that may produce sympathy towards what it's intended to be used against. But she's already hurt and snuffed out so many lives she looked up to and cherished, so what's a third time in a new world so far removed from everything she once used to know?

The last part has her lower her gaze. It's more befuddling than threatening, as the revelation feels like being divulged a technical aspect of how Horos works rather than a warning to not step out of line. She doesn't ever see herself attaining faith hope defiance to be on the 'good' side of things challenge the Kenoma or actively assist the Pleroma at the former's direct detriment, so a fear of being punished over disloyalty and betrayal is relatively absent. Her previous life had ensured that she developed staunch work ethics, if nothing else.

"Like our souls' previous history?" Even Xishen doesn't know the whole of it despite having spent decades at the Regent's side, in presumably faithful service too judging by what Ciel's seen of them both so far. That tidbit isn't lost on her. "May I ask how widely does the Regent's omnipotence reach, at least as far as you're aware of? If we can speak of such things in person like this, would they know? What of communications done through communion?"

If they know, it would suggest that they do not care. She's half-expecting to not be answered, the subject really isn't one that's any faith-inspiring, thus her own expression turns a bit dubious. But... Knowing would be useful, in better tailoring herself the way she's accustomed to. She could also warn the Kenomas who are clearly less experienced in leaving their personal feelings out of professional matters, for what that may be worth.

[aionpcs]

"Maybe that's for the best," Xishen murmurs, when Ciel explains that others took her action as trying to divert responsibility to the others. At the same time, there is a flicker of discontent and worry at the idea. The moment lingers, until she apparently decides to say something. She did agree to no bullshitting, after all.

"...I don't really want to be thought of that way, either," she admits. "That the rest of you are disposable to me. I'm not afraid of taking the fall. I'm more equipped to take it than the rest of your are." She sighs softly, her brow furrowing.

"He should be happy. If I didn't do what I did, that girl of his probably wouldn't have escaped at all."

Finally, she looks back to Ciel, lifting a shoulder.

"Like I said, I don't know the details. It does seem like, if the Regent is watching, you'll at least be aware of it... but it's also possible that they're just letting us think that. There's a spell they can use to directly access your memories, with your permission... it's what they used to see what happened in the caverns for themselves."

[expiera]

"I'll try talking to them. We'll be working together from now on, we're also likely to interact with you more often than we do the Regent, at least in a direct sense. You simply did what you had to do, something they may come to better understand with time, but it would be best to work out what lingering misconceptions we can in the meanwhile."

She offers without hesitation, demeanour mellowing out to flash a small, almost encouraging smile. It's not much and she can't promise results, but it's something she can do, and she's better placed for it too as a fresh 'recruit' just like her peers. The Regent's approval can't hurt either, not when only a small handful of them managed to gain it in front of everyone else at the table.

"That would explain why it didn't feel like they were evaluating us purely based after secondhand reports. There was a lot to keep track of." Whether it would've just been Xishen or with potential help from the Hylici soldiers, whether the sense comes from gut feeling or intuition. So their actions are always under potential surveillance and their very memories can be looked into, but there doesn't seem to be any sort of notable thought policing set in place. So far at least, and that makes sense too. Thoughts are details, while actions are results. The Regent obviously can't sweat over every little thing, given their position and their vision. They can compromise in their own way too, going by Xishen's account so far: 'they knew that's what I would do.'

...