𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐤𝐚 "ate 12 sandwiches & napped" 𝐬𝐮𝐢 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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aionlogs2022-07-04 04:54 pm
aquaveiled) wrote in aionlogs2022-07-04 04:54 pm
[CLOSED] lizard times
WHO: Himeka & others
WHAT: Various closed prompts during Soviseri
WHERE: Multiple, mostly Lohkimareen
WHEN: Throughout July
WARNINGS: TBD
WHAT: Various closed prompts during Soviseri
WHERE: Multiple, mostly Lohkimareen
WHEN: Throughout July
WARNINGS: TBD
no subject
but between his very curious inspection of these (pretty and almost pearlescent) scales - how they flawlessly co-exist with her otherwise normal skin - and the subject matter, his curiosity only serves to grow. yet, somehow-- he has ended up on the receiving end of 20 questions?? how had this happened, exactly? Abel looks momentarily perplexed, but there's really no harm in answering any of this. it makes sense she would be curious about the world he's from, just as he is of hers, after all!
so, in the name of sating her thirst for knowledge, he is happy to answer ALL of her inquiries. even if... half of what she says simply adds more questions to Abel's pile than he had previously, so there's that. fat cat?? voidsent???? he's... lost, but that's nothing new, it's fine!! ]
A-ah, well, I'm not sure I've ever heard of 'voidsent' before - that sounds rather ominous, by the way, I much prefer a 'fat cat,' which sounds terribly endearing? [ ......he hopes? god, he hopes it's cute and not some mutated freak of nature that eats children's toes or something. a-anyway, ]
But, um-- well, yes! Those are the only two-- Methuselah and humans?-- and they need human hemoglobin, specifically. They have their own territory to the east and it's very much a secluded, mysterious Empire where one cannot come or go freely. Not if they're a human, anyway-- I'm afraid there is a status quo of animosity between us, and they don't take kindly to unannounced visitors from the Outside, as it were!
[ that didn't stop him from sneaking in, of course, but that's neither here nor there. ]
It's a bit hard to answer how large my star is, seeing as I don't have any others for comparison, um. It's about four thousand miles diameter...? Yes-- but much of the world was lost to the Dark Ages -- that's when the vampires appeared, you see, and only a small portion of its surface is inhabitable these days. Talking about this really does make me curious how vastly different your world must look, Himeka, never mind the cultural differences-- your people, for example. They really live in the ocean?
no subject
Oh yes, they are. They're very round with big chubby cheeks and rather useless all the same. The Void itself is a curious place. We see creatures from it come into our world but no one has ever been there.
[ Maybe some day she'll get to see what it's like for herself. But the odds of that are incredibly small, aren't they?
From what Abel tells her, however, she is already assuming that Abel himself is definitely one of those normal human types. Why would she think otherwise? But he's also using words that she isn't familiar with again, so... ]
What's hemoglobin? Is it in blood?
[ She's a magical magey hearler not an actual doctor with a medical degree, sorry for leading you on, Abel.
Though hearing how the only two races left are pitted against each other in a world that has been largely destroyed...her curiosity doesn't dwindle but her expression does sober up quite a bit. It's a bit like the First, isn't it? Inhabitable areas becoming so hard to find. Maybe they're at odds for resources, especially if humans have something that the Methuselah need to survive. ]
Ah...so humans and Methuselah are at odds, then. That must be difficult if you're the only two races in the world after something like that...
[ For such a kind and pleasant man, it sounds as if the place he comes from is much harder than she'd anticipated. ]
What happened? If...you don't mind me asking.
[ It may be something he'd rather not share. And if so, she'll respect it. Even if it's history to him it doesn't make the pain of living in the aftermath any less potent.
As for her own people, she nods. ]
My ancestors founded our village on the sea floor to avoid war and conflict that seemed rampant on the surface world. We've lived there every since.
no subject
...again, the further they go on - the more questions arise. she doesn't know what hemoglobin is? but he thought she was a doctor?? maybe... it's different where she's from? oh my god he's going to give himself a migraine attempting to figure all this out, so he decides to shelve some of it for another time and focus on what's important.
fat cats? yeah, fat cats are pretty important. oh, suppose general world politics and history are also on the table. but mostly fat cats. ]
Wait, so-- this 'Void' is a place? Like... another world, do you mean? And cute but abnormally large cats slip through?
[ yes he really is fascinated. fat cats.... fat cats.
--uh, right. ]
Ah, um-- hemoglobin is something in blood! Related to one's red blood cells, something like that? [ Dr. Himeka... say it isn't so... she's definitely a doctor, yeah... ]
As for what happened... if you mean the Dark Ages? It's not exactly well-known, actually. [ Abel lightly prods at his glasses, thoughtful. ] Some say that there had been a great war; some say that the appearance of the vampires is what started it all. But either way, our peoples have been at odds with one another for nearly a thousand years or so-- so it's been quite some time, mm? We're enjoying a time of tentative peace, now-- the Methuselah keep to the Empire for the most part, and humans rarely venture into their lands. Things are a bit difficult close to the borders, but... well. Considering your people fled war for the water? I'd say that isn't exactly a foreign or unusual concept to you, is it?
[ he already knows she has fought battles the likes of which are well beyond his fathoming; his little dip into her dreamscape had provided him context that has been highly valuable for understanding both Himeka and the world she's come from. Estinien, what he's learned of Ishgard, Alphinaud, Emet-Selch - these pieces of the overall puzzle have also been integral in his grasp of her person, her history.
and sadly, he truly knows her life has not been a quiet nor uneventful one. ]
Did your family leave...?
[ ...he desperately hopes she isn't about to tell him they were chased out by tragedy - personal or otherwise. ]
no subject
The Void? Erm...well it was the 13th Reflection of the Source--my star, sort of, but like the original part of it?--that Emet-Selch's colleagues tried to rejoin to the Source except they messed up and instead destroyed it so now it's a shadowy Void where weird things happen. Something like that. But I haven't been there, only seen the things that come out of it which usually cause us a lot of problems but some are very cute.
[ Whew! Not too bad, if you ask her. And he did, technically.
Red blood cells? Himeka squints. Blood is usually red... ]
Oh. Okay.
[ Yeah she can roll with that even if she can't really picture what it is. Sounds like little goblins running around in the blood? Very small ones, she imagines. Which considering what she knows of goblins must be very dangerous. She can't imagine why one would really one a bunch of miniature goblins but...no judging.
Goblins aside, anything called "the Dark Ages" is bound to be an unpleasant time. ]
A thousand years?
[ Goodness...that sounds familiar, doesn't it? She feels like she knows what Estinien would begin to think if he heard the same story. She also wonders if Abel's world is plagued by a similar misunderstanding. But it sounds as if there may be no one around to remember it, unlike the Great Wyrms. ]
Mmm...no, no it isn't, unfoirtunately. Though a "tentative peace". That makes it sound as if it's more of a lull in the conflict...? [ She hopes that's not right. ] That makes it hard to overcome if no one can even remember how it began. Is there no common ground to be found?
[ All big words from someone who doesn't understand the nuances of the situation Abel's world is enveloped in, but she's seen enough war herself to wonder regardless. Even when it came to the Garlean Empire it had to be defeated and dissolved. There may have been help from within, yet...many suffered on both sides in the process. If much of Abel's world has been deemed uninhabitable...
A great war indeed.
To his question, at least, she can shake her head. ]
No, no. My town was founded centuries ago. It's small, but...it did achieve what it wanted for the most part. But in turn it cut itself off from everything else.
[ She shrugs with a small smile. ]
I don't particularly like the idea that peace is only achievable in isolation, though. And I'm happy to say that Sui-no-Sato has started to open up to the greater world recently. It may risk involving itself more in any conflicts that rise up but...it's better to have friends in adversity than to be alone, I think.
1/2
[ he's lightly fisting into silver hair, looking as though he's giving himself some kind of complex attempting to work it all out. who knew life could be so complicated?? he thought things were hard to stomach where he's from; it's tame in comparison....... (to him, anyway. perhaps he is biased. ahem.)
but after a moment of a mild breakdown and gentle hair-pulling, he seems to be gathering himself back together. a bit. enough, anyway. ]
...Common ground?
[ h-haha. of course it would be the first thing Himeka thinks of - some way to bridge the gap. he doesn't resist the smile that pulls at his lips, something warm blooming in his chest as he fidgets absently with the cuff of his sleeve. ]
I like to believe there is. Common ground...? We're all human, vampire or not. Being held apart in this way... I feel we've lost touch of one another and all the things that could bring us together. And I'm happy to say I am not alone in my thinking, even if I wish we weren't the minority.
[ these words would have him bound and quartered for treason in his world - especially considering his position as a servant to the Vatican, but... he has no need to worry about such things here. and they never stopped him from saying them at home, either, even if he had to be more cautious about his audience, admittedly. peace is so very delicate... tentative, and she'd nailed it right on the head with her inference: the 'war' never really ended. what the world enjoys now is simply a lull, an absence of outright animosity. ]
There are very good people at home working to make that peace a long-lasting sort. To establish a real treaty between us, to bring us together. If anyone might see it through... it will be them.
[ yes. for the first time in a long time, there's genuine hope for Lilith's dream - for his dream - to find roots in their world.
...Esther; Ion; Caterina. his colleagues, his friends, and those who are dearer than life to him - these people will surely... surely... ]
no subject
Speaking of hope, then... it sounds like maybe there is some of that for your home as well? I can't help but agree with you, Himeka-- the seclusion might keep people safe, but... in the long run, all that one sacrifices in that solitude... it surely can't be worth it, can it?
[ bonds; experiences; knowledge - the vastness of the world cannot be overstated, and he's sure the same is true of the place Himeka's from just a small percentage of what she's told him in passing. the people below the sea deserve to explore, to know more than their tiny little bubble. ]
no subject
Ah...well. She tried. She actually doesn't seem all that surprised that Abel didn't follow and that's honestly one of the kindest let-downs she's been given when it sounds like she's blabbering on incoherently. ]
Mm...to be honest sometimes I think it's a little confusing myself. I could go into the whole reflections thing but...I really can't explain the existence of the Fat Cat. I suppose it's one of those great mysteries of life that we'll never be able to solve.
[ Unless you're Y'shtola and take that sort of statement as a personal challenge. Himeka is actually okay with letting some things be mysteries. Makes life more existing that way, you know?
It doesn't surprise her in the least that Abel is one of the few who are advocating for said common ground, though. No--he's really the one pioneering it here in Horos as well so it only makes perfect sense. He's just that sort of person, isn't he? Wanting to find the way that works best for everyone, find the things that bring them together rather than separate them. It's equally no surprise that she finds that people usually have good things to say about him too. She feels a sense of pride in being able to call him her friend, that maybe she can help in some way to make his efforts realized.
The faith he has...it's the kind of thing she feels like she's tried so hard to emulate herself. If she can't do it fully alone, she's more than happy to attach herself to those who can. ]
Mmm...that does sound terribly like you.
[ But it's said with no small amount of affection. And no small amount on his side as well as he speaks of the efforts of "very good people". She feels it's a good guess that they're not just some people. ]
Your royal friend is one of those, I take it?
[ As she imagines having friends in high places would certainly be a boon to such efforts. It usually takes a while for everyone to be on board, but it's so much easier to start from the top than work your way up from the bottom.
He hits it right on the nose regarding Sui-no-Sato, too. ]
Mhmm. It's really the Ruby Princess that has advocated for it. Despite the fact that she's meant to be the most secluded of everyone, she refused to let that stop her.
[ Maybe if Himeka had stayed...had gotten to know Kurenai through her own service at the Palace rather than to act on her own selfishness and fear there could have been a way to help those efforts so much sooner. ]
My people are very lucky to have her.
[ Well, "we" may sound more appropriate, but...no, Himeka isn't the one who is reaping the benefits of Kurenai's defiance and stubbornness. But she is glad to have helped the Princess in some way. To pretend part of it wasn't guilt-ridden would be a lie, but that's no reason not to do the right thing all the same. ]
no subject
--Yes, mm... Miss Esther has come quite a ways from when we first met a few years ago! She really is something else... But the fate of Albion and its relation to the other world powers are in her good hands, and if anyone can help begin to work to make peace on behalf of the terrans... I truly believe it's her.
[ truthfully, Abel could not have asked for a better ally to come into such power; Esther and her beliefs had been destined for greatness from the very beginning, but to see the length of her journey taking her to such heights... it was surreal, amazing. he is so proud of her and has the utmost faith in her battle from here on out.
even if, admittedly, he is sad it means their ways truly had to part this time.
...Abel lightly prods at his glasses again, casting his thoughts to the royalty of Himeka's home beneath the sea. 'Ruby Princess;' it certainly sounds fancy, doesn't it? he can see there is something complicated in her relationship with this person - and he is taking it in for a moment before he finally decides on what to say. ]
Have you been away from home long? You've been traveling for a while, haven't you?
[ he knows she's been abroad for some time, at least. he wonders if she gets the chance to visit home - and truly what that home is really like. does she have family? does she get the opportunity to share warm meals and holidays and take time for herself, or is she perpetually caught in the whirlwind of her world? Abel realizes he knows so little about what her daily life was like, never mind what it might be like in places she went to rest her wearied head for some relaxation between it all. ]
no subject
Albion? That must be the Kingdom of humans, I take it? Or the non-vampire kind of humans.
[ Since Abel did make a point to put them together in the overall category of humanity, Himeka doesn't want to disregard the perceived humanity of the Methuselah. That would be rude. (Like calling groups of people "beast tribes", ya know.) ]
Well...if she's anything like you say she is and someone you believe so wholeheartedly in, I can't imagine it going any other way.
[ His faith is kind of inspiring, right? Surely Esther feels it too. ]
I'm sure she'll likewise be happy to hear everything you did for Horos while you were gone.
[ Because they will finish this and find a way back. They will see their homes and friends and family again. And she believes that he will have plenty to share of his own successes at that point.
The question in turn should be easy enough--home being the Ruby Sea. A part of it will always be home and she feels that if she really did choose to return her mother would work it out for her. But those that leave typically do not return. Such a practice must be in the past along with Sui-no-Sato's isolation, right? She did visit, after all...and has a few times since.
After a quiet moment, she nods. ]
A few years. The world is a lot bigger than I ever imagined it would be.
no subject
[ it isn't lost on him at all how the Vatican and Germanicus will make it extremely difficult for her despite her status as former clergy; she has a rough road ahead of her. it isn't an envious position.
but she is capable. she is so strong, that girl - and there is an iron in her spine that will not allow others to stampede over her dreams of peace.
in some ways, perhaps their worlds are alike in that way - it seems her home had been separated and secluded until recently, of a different mind than the others sharing its vicinity - even if those lands were above-ground. ]
...A few years is a long time to be from home. [ it's soft, gentle. he isn't sure how she feels about all of this, yet - but... his eyes are quietly questioning. ] Do you miss it?
[ has she simply been too busy to return? or... is it something else? ]
no subject
Such a long-standing and tangled web will take some time to undo. But it sounds like Abel's friends are rising to that challenge despite the difficulties. The world does need people like that. ]
Mmm...sometimes it feels more difficult brining allies together than trying to reach out to enemies, doesn't it?
[ She fights something of a wry smile but it's not successful. It had taken some time for the three largest City-States in Eorzea to finally come together, and even then it was far from a smooth transition. Such difficulties in politics are better left to others, though. People like Alphinaud. Thank the gods the boy actually seems to like that sort of thing!
As for whether she misses her hometown...she speaks proudly of her heritage and her people most of the time but actually leaving is something of a delicate subject. Of course Abel wouldn't know that. His gaze is far from pinning her down for an answer, but she does want to give him one.
Just one that wouldn't make him like her any less. ]
I do.
[ She smiles again. Of course, who wouldn't, right? ]
From time to time. But you do get kind of used to being away, you know? And it was my decision anyway, so that makes it easier. [ Not really. ] I get to see and experience things that most people don't--I'm grateful for that.
[ That being said-- ]
What about you? Are you from Albion too or...Bar..shellona?
no subject
...Abel can't help but let discussions of politics slide for now; perhaps he feels a much more personal and vested interest in the subject of Himeka's home - or maybe he realizes there's only so much one can go on about such dull subjects without getting bored. either way, he is giving this his full attention now: lucky her!! because it sure does seem there is some subtle discomfort in her eyes, and...
he is picking up on it like a
babyshark smelling blood in the water. alas and woe. ]...I am always traveling, [ he begins, because answering her question conveniently serves to lead into a point he'd like to make, now, ] as I happen to be a traveling priest. 'Traveling' being the keyword, here! I don't get to linger in Rome very often, but...
[ but... ]
The Vatican has become like home to me. It is where those I love most dearly welcome me back with open arms, and... I do miss it, even if it is my decision to go off and away each time I leave.
[ so, suppose it's rather easy to see what he's insinuating, hm. that he suspects Himeka, too, must miss the place she calls home - that maybe she also finds distance makes the heart grow fonder, but... well. no less susceptible to homesickness, too. ]
...is there, maybe, something keeping you from going back? [ there's no judgment in the question; if anything, just a tempered concern. for someone as forthright as Himeka is, it must be something personal if she is avoiding laying it out in her usual manner, right...? ]
no subject
Rome! ]
So Rome is your hometown?
[ Rome. Vatican. Okay, those are important places. But the Vatican isn't in Rome? And it's some other town that he spends time in? Or that he does most of his priest work in, she assumes. Do his friends visit there too? Is Rome close to Albion so he would be able to visit Esther any time he wanted to? ]
What does a traveling priest do, if you don't mind me asking?
[ The only way to understand something is to ask, so she will raise her hand ignorance here.
--Ah. He's turned this right back around, hasn't he? Her enthusiasm for hearing his story is dampened a bit as he hones right in on what she tries to avoid saying.
It shouldn't matter. It really shouldn't. Himeka is usually fairly open with owning up to her mistakes of varying severities, even the catastrophic ones. It's rarely without intent to do better next time, but her first real big decision is still one she has mixed feelings about all these years later. The fact that she still seems to consider parts of it a mistake probably says a lot if she were to analyze it, but she doesn't really want to. She feels like she's dwelled on it enough.
Abel is a forgiving person. He wouldn't think less of her, right? Especially as devoted as he still is...calling himself Father and everything here. It's his life.
But she's still afraid he will even if he wouldn't say it to spare her feelings. ]
...
[ It's only then she realizes she's been doing that whole "staring silently" thing the gets accused of so often. Thancred would surely be watching her with a raised brow were he here. She straightens a bit in her seat and starts to fiddle with the lace of her dress just to give her hands something to do. ]
It's...well--I'm sure they look at things differently now.
[ After all the talking up she's done about how Sui-no-Sato is reaching out with the rest of the world. This is absolutely something she should be over. ]
...It's just a little hard when it's so remote, you know? Unless you have the Kojin blessing you would basically drown and if you don't have the right mount or are a good swimmer you could really easily get swept up in the currents especially in the later summer and early autumn when typhoons are a thing.
[ Okay now she's starting to sound like Abel. ]
But...traditionally when you leave you don't really...go back.
no subject
this... reluctance, the weight behind this pregnant pause of Himeka's, the way the silence is filled with a sort of unspoken plea and desire not to be forsaken -- it, honestly, breaks his heart.
she's frightened of judgment? she fears she's made some sort of grave error that is deserving of condemnation? he can't imagine what it could be; she is one of the kindest souls he has met in Horos thus far, knows the breadth of her compassion has no bounds -- but his brow has knit in soft worry as he waits, patiently, for her to manage to get it out. (i-is this what he sounds like? is this what it's like when he rambles, sometimes? he is beginning to self-reflect,) and once she does...
...oh, Himeka.
his hand lightly, gingerly, falls to her shoulder in some effort to impart support and reassurance. ]
You left... not knowing if you'd ever be able to go back.
[ she chose to leave what had constituted her whole world behind...?
the enormity of that decision isn't lost on him. even now, she clearly wonders if she had made the right choice - if she had made a mistake, if she has regrets. despite all she's gained, all she's seen, the friends she's made, the experiences both wondrous and painful she never would've known had she lingered--
it still sits like a rock in her chest. he can see it. ]
no subject
It's her first real regret. It's soothed a bit with time, with circumstance and some work, but she isn't sure it will ever fully be healed. And maybe that's for the best. There's guilt that she should carry with her and understanding that the choices she makes have consequences that you cannot take back.
The hand on her shoulder isn't unwelcome but it feels undeserved. Of course he wouldn't know why. Does he deserve to know why? Maybe she does have a confession she didn't intend to make.
So she nods, forcing herself to make eye contact. ]
And it wasn't even for a good reason.
[ Her gaze falters for a moment as she sucks her lower lip in, then sighs. She had only explained the bare minimum as was required to both Alisaie and Lyse when the time came to travel to Sui-no-Sato and spoke nothing to the other Scions later when she would make frequent visits to Tanamizu to help out with Kurenai's requests. Putting it all into words isn't something she's really planned on doing. ]
I wasn't the first to leave... Others have long before my time, but the idea came to me after watching another woman my own age leave. Except she left because she knew, rightfully, that hiding would not save us from the eventuality of conflict. So she went to go fight in the war that enveloped our neighbors above in hopes that it could end before it ever found our village.
[ Yugiri is a remarkable person. Truly remarkable. Himeka had been both surprised and ashamed when their paths crossed again. Though it seemed they were both working towards a similar cause now and she was eventually able to help Yugiri in her mission, it was Yugiri whose pure ambitions and selfless acts should be lauded. Moments like those made her feel very undeserving of the esteem she's gained as the Warrior of Light. Why wasn't Yugiri chosen instead?
(She has theories now but that is far too complicated and she still hates the idea of fate.) ]
...I'm immensely lucky that I can call her a friend and ally these days. And I can also say that everything she fought for came true.
[ Doma did indeed earn it's freedom, but not because of Himeka--because of the will of it's people and the combined efforts of those who refused to give up even in the face of adversity. She is still glad she could play a part, no matter what size. ]
I had no such noble intentions. I left because I was childish and with no real...thought to the consequences.
no subject
has she been carrying this all that time...?
Abel's hand falls away from her shoulder, but it isn't for the absence of his desire to offer comfort. he can tell that this might be something that spans beyond simple gestures, that it might need talking out. has she spoken about this with anyone? he wonders. ]
Do you think it necessary? To have some... grandiose, noble plan before leaving your home?
[ it speaks to her sense of duty and obligation as much as her respect for the place she had been raised in, the people who called it home alongside her; Abel quite wishes he could see it. ]
...Not every journey starts because one answered some higher calling. In fact, that might be precisely where the best sort of journeys start - in search of ourselves, in search of what's meant to drive us. To find our place in the world... to make it better than when we started. From what you - and your friends - have told me... I think you've done that in spades, haven't you?
[ it is a given, Abel thinks. ]
You may think of it as having left 'home' behind as if it were a selfish wish, but... I think-- what you really wanted to do was make many homes, many places. Your heart never belonged trapped under the ocean; it's too big for that. Part of you surely knew that and drew you where you needed to go. And in that way, maybe... you helped open up your home to become so much bigger than it had been when you left, brought pieces of it back with you to share with those who weren't ready to venture beyond it just yet.
I don't think you have anything to regret or feel sorry for. But... do you? Really?
abel is too good
But...no. If Yugiri had just wanted to leave to see the world Himeka never would have held that against her.
She's working this out still, but her thoughts fall away as Abel continues. Words of comfort and reason--kind words, though she does have to wonder if they're deserved. Has she made many homes? Mayhaps she has. She's met so many people, been so many places, and made so many friends that she knows she will be welcomed on many journeys should she choose to take them. It's when he says trapped that it clicks into place, her brows raising. Yes--that's it. That's exactly what she was afraid of. Being trapped and too entrenched with something she had no way to leave. ]
I...
[ Himeka pauses.
Does she regret leaving, in the end? Would she trade all the adventure, hardships included, to live "peacefully" beneath the waves?
Eventually she shakes her head. ]
...I don't regret leaving. [ She says finally, refocusing her gaze on Abel. ] But I do regret how I did it.
[ As private as she can be, Himeka won't force him to prod for details, not when he's being so willing to listen and...well, thus far hasn't passed adverse judgement on her. Quite the opposite--he's given her nothing but reason and understanding and she's once again painfully aware how impossible it is not to like this man who has shown nothing but this since the day they met. To everyone he's met.
She can trust him with this, right?
Himeka's tail curls around her side as she begins to speak, not something she does often. ]
You see...I was on my way to a very special position at the Palace. Though my family were farmers I was put on an expedited course to become a priestess for Shisui--
[ A pause--that's some of the judgment she fears. Mayhaps not because Abel is a judgmental man but because he has clearly lived his life in a devotion that she abandoned. ]
--not because I was particularly devout or good at reciting scripture or leading prayer or rituals--I was mediocre at best but terrible most of the time--but because I could "hear the words of the kami". And it was going to be my duty to be the Oracle of the Violet Tides to help protect the village from disaster, from famine, to good harvest...
[ Her brows push together. ]
But it became increasingly clear to me as I go closer and closer to the day of my anointment that it meant that I would be living out the rest of my life in the Palace. It's--separate from the town. There are very few priests that work in the village itself, most just...stay at the Palace. And are trusted to be doing all the right things for the benefit of the Princess and Sui-no-Sato.
[ Which if it's for the good of everyone it should be a no-brainer. ]
...I should have said something. But I didn't. I kept agreeing to everything I was told to do and was suggested to me. Until one day I just didn't and left without a word to anyone. Not my teachers, not my would-be colleagues, not even my family.
[ Doesn't he see now? It isn't even that she was missing a noble cause. ]
I didn't--I didn't have a plan or a wanderlust or...or anything. It was just...afraid.
[ She swallows. ]
And sickness did come again. It was unfortunately common--still is, being a small community with little in regards of medicine to deal with some of the things that happen. Realistically I could have never done anything to predict or stop it but...I left and people suffered. [ People died. ] And I wasn't there for them.
hime....... 🥺
...Himeka works her way through to the crux of it - the true depths of that look that's been casting a shadow behind her eyes since she first broached the subject of her home life. the piece he had been missing slots into the puzzle; while it isn't whole, it is one step closer to being.
his expression slowly softens as he watches hers fall. she is taking this hard - has been taking this hard because the matter is so dear to her. her people... her duty... her honor as a woman and member of the community... her love for all of them is so very apparent to him as she speaks of this painful decision. it is one she regrets... perhaps not for the choice itself, but the manner in which it was made.
he takes a moment. it might be a bit disconcerting as she's surely waiting for his judgment one way or another, but Abel's gaze settles upon his hands clasped in his lap for several deep breaths. delicate and sensitive as this is, he doesn't plan to rush into his answer: no; it will be measured and purposeful.
so, his voice is even and gentle when he replies - but he doesn't offer her a placating reassurance this time. if he did, then... all he would be doing is disrespecting her decision to share something that was so personal, important to her with him. ]
You wish you could've done it differently. [ it is a verbal acknowledgment that he understands. ] And I can see why. The Himeka you are today would surely have made another choice, even not knowing what she knows now. Because she has that strength - the strength you lacked back then.
[ because a frightened young woman - still but a child in the grand scheme of things - burdened by the weight of a fate, a life of seclusion and separation... that person is much different than the one that sits beside him, isn't it? Himeka has come such a long way. ]
...I know you have the courage to protect them in a way only you can. In a way that is more meaningful than you know, I think. And I don't think you'd have the same conviction if you hadn't been that girl who ran away. Do you think that's right, Himeka?
[ he can see it - the growth, that she had learned from her mistakes. so-- ]
The first step in your journey was a clumsy one and you may have taken a tumble - but you haven't let it stop you from learning how to run since. Falling on your butt is a part of life, right? ...You've come so far. They surely don't blame you half as much as you blame yourself.
how dare he? say all the right things?
Himeka hangs her head slightly when he agrees. It's--it's what she needs to hear, really. That confirmation of her fears but also her mistakes. She can't really make amends until she works through it all. Both to herself and to the people she affected. Abel may be an unbiased third party so mayhaps he's the best suited for this in the end...
Yet as he continues, she slowly lifts her head back up. Each word raises her a little higher as she watches him--really looks at him, a little surprised and incredulous in her own right.
Abel is acknowledging the analysis she's already done of her past actions while also putting them into perspective. Telling her that she has grown, even if he'd never known the person she was before. Because that's all she ever wants--to be a better person today than she was the day before and to try again a little harder tomorrow.
That means more to her than she can properly articulate. ]
...
[ Her gaze drifts away as a bit of a laugh caught in a huff escapes. ]
Several tumbles...right on my arse, I'd say.
[ She places her right hand over her heart, fingers curling slightly into the fabric of her dress. ]
...Incidentally my journey led me back to my hometown when we were trying to end the empire's occupation of Doma. I wasn't greeted as a welcome visitor and I don't blame them for it...but my mother did come to meet me before I left. She said she was glad I was okay.
[ Amongst a few other pieces of news she wouldn't have heard otherwise.
Looking back over to Abel. ]
I think you're right. Maybe...I can't allow them to forgive me because I can't forgive myself.
sometimes he must counteract all the stupid with 1 poignant thing that's the rules
if she feels the weight of that guilt and responsibility, then dismissing it as undeserved would be doing her a disservice. ]
Then the only thing you can do is decide how to make amends for yourself.
[ if her family would forgive her and her village with time, then all that's left is for her to forgive herself. she hasn't been ostracized and her relationship with her loved ones isn't irreparably broken - as long as that's the fact, then there's hope she can one day return to her homeland with pride instead of shame in her eyes. ]
Whether it's bringing pieces of all the homes you've made in your travels into their little world or protecting them in that way only you can, then-- you'll find it. Until you do decide what it is, though... I think it's okay to take your time and figure it out. What will give you peace, and what will bring peace to them. Do you feel the same...?
it's the one that matters
If there were anyone to pass the final judgment on her it would be the Ruby Princess herself, wouldn't it? The one she would sworn to serve and protect.
To think that Kurenai would be such an kindred spirit, wanting to see the world above the waves. She does wonder what could have happened if she stuck around.
But it's too late for that. She's never been one to harbor much regret--not because she hasn't made more mistakes than this, but because she knows that the only thing she can do is try to move forward. Except for this. One of the few things she hasn't been able to move past, mayhaps because it set everything in motion. It's a mixture of "something had to happen" and "but not this".
Abel is right. Of course he is. His capacity for caring and understanding is exactly what she would have expected from him. She's...grateful. That he isn't saying that she did the right thing, but that she doesn't need to condemn herself forever. ]
I think...
[ She drops her hands to her lap. ]
I'd like to tell my mother "I'm sorry". I didn't, then. Mayhaps she knows already because she's that sort of person, but...I should have all the same. She deserves to hear it.
[ Himeka chances a somber smile. ]
And maybe someday I can meet my niece and nephew.
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he gives her a tiny, encouraging nod of his head. ]
Finding the place to start... it can be the hardest, right? Especially when you've held onto something for so long. It can be overwhelming to try and tackle something that's become... mm. Probably a big, looming monster sitting on your shoulder.
[ he can see that the separation from her family as well as her people has taken a toll; Abel wants to see this rift fixed, this hole she's dug inside of herself that yearns to be filled by the love and acceptance of her kindred filled once more. ]
...So the first thing you'll do when you get home, once we've helped to give Horos the peace it deserves-- is go to your home. Tell them how you feel. Hug them real tightly, too-- I bet they've missed that as much as you have, you know? And... go and be the best and craziest Aunt your niece and nephew deserve.
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Nice.
Yes. It would be nice.
The fact that she has never once thought to shirk the surname bestowed upon inhabitants of her village despite her self-ostracization should probably speak for itself, shouldn't it? A part of her heart will always belong in the sea. She is a traveler--a wanderer at heart--but it's nice to feel that she has an orbit sometimes, that there's a place or people she'll return to. That has never been Sui-no-Sato since she left, but maybe it can be. Someday.
He speaks of their eventual victory and instills her with confidence in her ability. What can she do but smile? Her expression and posture lift considerably as she nods. ]
I will. I promise.
[ Mayhaps making it a promise to someone other than just her will help make it reality?
Not that she'll have a way to tell him of her success, really--
--no, no. She's certain that the connections they've made in Horos will not be lost to time when it all comes to an end.
Himeka exhales, feeling like some of the tension she's held tangled up inside of her for so long is finally lifting, just a little. ]
I suppose I did have a confession after all.
[ Himeka gives an apologetic shrug. ]
Thank you for listening. It's...not something I really talk about.
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Abel's smile is genuinely content in response, shaking his head lightly-- ]
Please...! With as much as I like to talk, the least I can do is listen every now and then, don't you think so?
[ he can see she needs a break from sober subjects and he's more than happy to play along on a lighter tilt. ...naturally. ]
Ah, but if this is a confession... I wonder if there is a deep, dark secret you haven't yet touched upon, Himeka. Mm, something dastardly lurking beneath the surface of your pleasant veneer... something about, say... a recent whale massacre?! Honestly, for shame.
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The insinuation of something darker lurking within her, though...
He's not wrong, really. But she'd rather not go into her almost Light Wardenification or Zenos stealing her body right now. One bit of trauma is enough for one evening, she thinks.
Thankfully he's clearly just gearing up to be silly which she appreciates, honestly. A good shift in the mood and much needed after such a serious and unintended conversation. They do seem to be in sync fairly often, don't they? ]
Ah...I fear you're my partner in that, Abel.
[ She holds her index finger up to her lips. ]
But I won't tell if you won't?
[ Wink! ]
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